Smileys

Today, being Sunday, many of you may still not have joined your work after the Puja holidays and are not very happy to face black Monday coming tomorrow, and I am not meaning the share market.
To lighten your load, so that you can face the new week with a smile here is something from Rex Barker

Army of the Lord...

Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

Jack replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

The Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

Jack whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

A Woman's Dream...

A woman is sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, middle-aged man enters.

He is so striking that the woman can not take her eyes off him.

The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly toward her.

Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring, he leans over and whispers, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do for $20... But, on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is.

The man replies, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considers his proposition for a moment and then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses into the man's hand along with her address.

She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and meaningfully says,

"Clean my house."

Some one liners

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

For all those affected by the share market blow down, here is a quiz to make you smile.
Q - What is the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?

A - A pigeon can still make a deposit on a ferrari.