Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I want to be a TV

A teacher from Primary School asks her students to write an essay about what they would like God to do for them... At the end of the day, while marking the essays, she read one that made her very emotional. Her husband, who had just walked in, saw her crying and asked her: - 'What happened?'
She answered- 'Read this. It is one of my students' essay.''Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special: Make me into a television. I want to take its place and live like the TV in my house. Have my own special place, And have my family around ME.
To be taken seriously when I talk.... I want to be the centre of attention and be heard without interruptions or questions. I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives even when it is not working. Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from work, even when he is tired. And I want my mom to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of ignoring me... And... I want my brothers to fight to be with me... I want to feel that family just leaves everything aside, very now and then, just to spend some time with me. And last but not least, ensure that I can make them all happy and entertain them... Lord I don't ask you for much... I just want to live like a TV.'
At that moment the husband said: - 'My God, poor kid. What horrible parents!' The wife looked up at him and said: - 'That essay is our son's !!!


Sent by Desmond

What is Life?

Who says we Indians do not know English or have a sense of humour.
This picture sent by Viraj Thacker, proves otherwise.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The cry of the middle class

The aam aadmi has never been more hassled than he has been in recent times. With prices touching the sky, the common man's meagre resources are proving to be highly inadequate in battling the ever-growing monster of inflation.

The government has not been successful in curbing runaway prices for quite a while now and this has become a major cause for concern for the people. Rediff.com has always provided a forum from which the aam aadmi can air his woes and opinions on the various problems that plague him.

We are carrying open letters written to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh by ordinary citizens of India. The issue that we want to focus on for the moment is petro price hike and the consequent inflation. Here goes another letter to the prime minister:


Dear Dr Manmohan Singh,

It may seem irrelevant when I say that I was born in the same month and year as you. But I feel it necessary to mention this fact because it gives us a shared perspective of independent India's birth and its subsequent development
Like you, I lost my mother at a young age. Like you, I entered India as a post-Partition refugee, though not from the Punjab [ Images ], but from what is now Bangladesh.

Like you, I have witnessed the turbulence of the freedom struggle, and the terrible trauma of Partition, and, like you, I educated myself in the desperate knowledge that therein lay my only hope of rescue from a nightmarish life.

Of course, the comparisons end there. You became one of the world's most respected economists and are now one of its most admired leaders.

I retired from my small job as a school teacher two decades ago. However, since we are both citizens of India, I feel it necessary to address these few words to you.

I am worried about our country, Dr Singh. I am worried that we are not leaving it in safe hands. I am worried about the enemy within, far more vicious and damaging than the enemy without.

I am worried that, despite all efforts, India is regressing to the time when it was nothing more than a loose conglomeration of princely states, instead of a unified Republic.

Long ago, we were taught that a country gets the government it deserves. If that is indeed so, then we must deserve the largely venal, corrupt, incompetent, and shortsighted group of people we are forced to call our 'leaders'.

No offence to you, Dr Singh, but even you must see how close to collapse our political system is, and how the gap between the rich and the poor is increasing by the day.

At this rate, India's famed middle class will soon be a thing of the past, squeezed out of existence by constant inflation, plummeting incomes, rising unemployment, and the ever-present threat of internal terrorism.

As we are forced to become a Capitalist system, however, we find the State unable, or unwilling, to perform the duties of a Capitalist state.

We Indians pay among the highest taxes in the world, and yet, our standards of living are among the lowest. We know for a fact that whenever the government introduces a scheme, it will ultimately not benefit those it was intended for, because most of the funds would have been siphoned off by corrupt middlemen.

And you know as well as I, Dr Singh, that the corruption stems directly from the corridors of power which you walk.

The lack of transparency in your and your colleagues' public pronouncements is growing by the day, whether you talk about rising food prices or the Maoist threat.

At every step, we are aware that most of you are lying to us. The tragedy, Dr Singh, is that we must elect such people year after year, not because we want to, but because we have no option.

Why don't you take the initiative to make a public appeal across party lines for politicians to come together to fight India's battles? The people are with you on this, of that I am sure.

The advantage is, those who won't join forces with you will be seen as the enemy, but you must also ensure that your own party is with you. Tough challenge, but India needs drastic measures now, Dr Singh. You should know that better than anyone else.


The writer is Roma Bhattacharjee, a homemaker.

The above is from Rediffmail

Monday, June 28, 2010

Criminals of Bihar

Taslimuddin to join JD(U), finally

Patna,(BiharTimes): Controversial former Union minister of state for home affairs Taslimuddin has finally got the green signal to join the Janata Dal (United).

On Wednesday he announced his decision to join the party when the chief minister Nitish Kumar visits Kishanganj in the first week of July.

Taslimuddin quit the RJD in August last and announced his plan to join the Janata Dal United on September 30.
However, the rout of the Janata Dal United in the by-election for 18 assembly seats in September stalled his plan. There was much hue and cry in the party over his joining of the Janata Dal United. His past record was cited by many as a reason to oppose his entry. After all it was Nitish Kumar, who earlier talked about re-opening of his old cases.

In contrast many in the RJD then felt it was good riddance for the party as Taslimuddin had become unpopular and too old and irrelevant. However, on Wednesday he once again announced his plan to join the Janata Dal (United) and ensure the defeat of the RJD-LJP combine and Congress in the state.

As an RJD candidate in the last Lok Sabha election he lost to Maulana Asrar-ul-Haque of Congress. In fact he was pushed to the third position.

After Shyam Rajak and Arun Kumar he would be the third important leader who lost the last Lok Sabha election yet got entry into the Janata Dal (United).

Political observers are of the view that in the autumn of his life Taslimuddin would be a liability for the Janata Dal United. Congress MP Maulana Asrar-ul-Haque and RJD MLA from Kishanganj, Akhtar-ul-Iman have grown in stature considerably. They both are Surjapuri, and are men of clean image while Taslimuddin is a Kulhaiya


This exposes the true colour of Nitish Kumar.
His fight against criminals, it seems, is all sham.
He is only after criminals who are in the opposition.
If they are in his party, they suddenly become honest, God-fearing gentlemen.
Talk about double standards?

Snake man dies

King cobra's bite kills Kendrapada's snake man
TNN, Jun 24, 2010, 10.24pm IST

KENDRAPADA: Well known conservationist Rajkishore Pani (62), who earned the moniker of "Kendrapada's snake man" for rescuing over 4,000 reptiles, died after being bitten by a cobra at Garadapur village, about 25 km from here.

Villagers said Pani, who was credited with rescuing snakes, reptiles and wild animals in a career spanning over three decades, was bitten on Wednesday evening. "He had rescued a king cobra from a neighbour's brick kiln even as his son's marriage ceremony was going on. But the snake suddenly attacked him," said Sudhanshu Parida, secretary of the district unit of People for Animals.

"Pani was an active member of our organization and his death is very unfortunate," Parida added.

Villagers had rushed Pani to the district headquarters hospital after they found him lying semi-conscious and writhing in pain. But he succumbed in the hospital after a few minutes.

Villagers said people in and around the district always rushed to the "snake man" after encounters with reptiles and wild animals. ""He was an expert on reptiles, especially snakes. He even had emergency vaccines and a pump to remove poison at his home. Despite all precautions, we are sad that he met his end in this manner," said Nabaghan Nayak, a resident of Garadapur.

"The incident is akin to the death of famous Australian conservationist Steve Irwin in September 2006. Irwin was killed after he was attacked by a stingray while shooting for a TV programme undersea," Parida said.
During the floods, Pani had rescued nearly 500 snakes from different parts of the district and nearby areas. He had released them in the wild after treating them. Six months ago, he had to spend 10 days at SCB Medical College and Hospital in Cuttack after he was bitten by a snake.

The deceased conservationist had also brought out a booklet mapping the presence of snakes and other animals in Bhitarkanika National Park in Kendrapada district and its nearby areas. With the slogan, "Do not kill snakes", Pani had launched a snake conservation campaign in the district and educated many people about the reptile, said Amara Jena, a teacher in Kendrapada.


It is understandable when a snake bites a man. It is its habit and man should be cautious in handling them.

But there is another variety of snake that is completely unreliable. It will bite the hand that feeds it. They are found everywhere and the more famous variety are found in our Parliament and state assemblies.

The first variety are reptiles, they are defenseless and people like Rajkishore Pani protects them at the cost of their lives

The second variety are called politicians.
The Maoist are doing a favour to the country in trying to eradicate this plague. It is unfortunate that the security forces who are there to protect these politicians come in the cross-fire.
It is only when the Maoist kill the common man, under whatever excuse, are they committing an unpardonable crime.

The politicians are looting the country, I have no sympathy for them.

Australia get their first Lady Prime Minister

Sent by Keith Hayward from Australia.



What India did in 1967 , Israel did in 1969 and Brtain did in 1979 is being done is Australia today.
Don't take her lightly.
Our own syndicate consisting of Morarji Desai, Kamraj, Nijilingappa and S K Patil found out to their cost that the lady who appeared mild could become a tigress if annoyed.
You have given her power.
Just watch out!!
You will have plenty of time to regret instead of making movies.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Legendary PRAN, is 90

Pran, the eternal villain of yesteryears is now 90!! Here are some pictures of his 90th birthday bash!!
Surprised? Yes, I am surprised too!! When did we become so old!!!
















What happens when three villains get together?
A party!
Prem Chopra, Shatrughan Sinha and Pran


Those who had watched the old Hindi movies must have had the same murderous feelings as soon as Pran came on the scene.
Who would have thought that we would look at his photographs now with nostalgic feelings of forgotten and forgiven.

We have to thank U Banerjee for having forwarded them

BURNT BISCUITS

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides - a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"
You know, life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else.

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. Just to know that we are all doing our very best on any given day - a burnt biscuit isn’t a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship! "The key to your happiness cannot be in someone else's pocket - keep it in your own."

So please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burnt one will do just fine..!


Sent by U Banejee

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Topless Model

I don't usually write or post titillating articles or photographs on our blogs as many of our boys have just passed school and are yet to enter adulthood.
However, when I saw this gorgeous topless model with unbuttoned LeeCooper jeans, I just couldn't hold myself.
I hope you will all pardon this old man.




















Airtel Ad

Those who have been watching the World Cup Soccer may have noticed a novel Ad strategy of Airtel which is a Win-Win situation for only Airtel.
They ask the viewers to send their choice of "Man of the Match" to some number by SMS to Airtel.
If that choice matches the choice of the panel set up by them, then the person gets air Airtel Dish TV connection Free.
Now Airtel gets SMS messages which go to Airtel's account. Airtel must be raking in lakhs of mulla during each match as there must be lakhs of idiots who will fall into the trap.
Now, the best part.
The winner gets a Free Airtel Dish TV connection. This means, Airtel has caught them by their b...s for the rest of their lives. The connection is free but they have to pay the monthly bill.
Neat.
Isn't it?

Friday, June 25, 2010

Black & White

A POEM WRITTEN BY AN AFRICAN CHILD:

When I was born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go out in the sun, I black
When I sick, I black
When I die, I black


AND YOU WHITE FELLA

When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you are in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
When you die, you grey

AND YOU CALL ME COLORED????

HOW TRUE!!!!

Sent by Pradeep Mohan.

Reminds me of an old song sung by Mehmood, the famous comedian of yesteryears.
"Hum Kale hai to kya hua, dilwale hai"

Refugee Problems

The following has been sent by Prakash Bhartia.

Every country looks after its own interest to ensure that it is not not flooded with refugees from countries far and near, except India.
We welcome infiltrators for Bangladesh because of Vote Bank politics.
Jyoti Basu was the first when he depended on their votes to win election.
Now Mamata is following his footsteps.
A very able disciple.









Monday, June 21, 2010

My Living Will


My Living Will
Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her,

'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
And fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

She's such a bitch...



Sir, Mr. Lobo sent the above.
The next one has been sent by a colleague, P S Gupta.
It is probably targeted at me.


In case of an emergency, speak only in English !!
Never say prayers in any other language!
U never know what kind of translation problem u can run into :)
An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance. Being religious, he kept repeating - Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om.

When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics: 'Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?'
They replied "Because he kept saying,
'Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!'

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Time Management

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
“The Only way to have a friend is to be one”


The best time management lesson you can ever learn is that you cannot manage time.

No matter how many books you read or how many seminars you attend, you will never be able to gain an extra second in a day, bring back a moment that has passed, or make time move more quickly.
Despite all our best efforts to manage it, time continues to flow with complete disregard for our complex time management techniques. Does this mean that time management is a pointless exercise?
No – not at all… What it actually means is this:
What we commonly refer to as time management is not really about managing time – It is about managing ourselves.
Here’s an example that illustrates why this is so important:
Ben was an accountant in a prestigious accounting firm who was working very long hours in order to move ahead in his career.
One night over a late dinner, his wife said, “Be careful honey, one day you’re gonna wake up and your little girl will have gone off to college and you will have missed everything.”
This comment really struck a chord with Ben. He knew he needed to spend more time at home but he didn’t know what else he could do to manage his time better. He was already utilizing his mobile phone, an electronic organizer and a calendar on his computer.
The next day, Ben chatted to his dad who advised him that effective time management was not about managing time, but rather, about managing himself.
Ben took this idea on board and instead of looking for external ways to control his time, he began to focus internally on finding better ways to manage himself.
Instead of spending the first twenty minutes of his day chatting with his colleagues in the tea room, he picked up a coffee on the way to work and headed straight to his desk.
Rather than spending the first hour of his day answering emails, he wrote down a list of the most important things he needed to achieve and immediately began working on the first task.
He also closed down his Internet browser so that he would not be distracted by Facebook, Twitter, or the ebay auction he was watching.
When printing his documents he realized he should check the print queue before walking across the office and standing around waiting for other people’s documents to be completed.
Ben was genuinely surprised by how many ways he found to improve his productivity simply by shifting his focus from managing time to managing himself. His new mantra became that he would:
Spend Quality Time at Work in Order to Spend Quantity Time at Home
With this new approach to managing himself, Ben developed the view that any time he wasted at work was time he was taking away from being with his family.
This new perspective made him more motivated and productive than ever before. By getting more done during work hours, he was able to cut down on his overtime and ultimately spend more time with his family.
So today, I’d like to encourage you to realize that while you cannot manage time – you can manage yourself.
Instead of looking for additional ways to regulate your time, turn your focus internally and look for better ways to manage yourself and your actions.
By improving the way you manage yourself, you will greatly increase your productivity. This is in turn will help you accelerate your progress towards achieving your most important life goals


Sent by Desmond.
Should be useful for ALL

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Should we Legalize Corruption

The legalization of corruption
BY ANAND RAMACHANDRAN
June 19, 2010

In a previous column, my colleague and friend Amit Varma made an eloquent case for the legalization of gambling. Among other well-made points, Amit explained how legalizing gambling would bring respectability and legitimacy to the entire industry, bring it within the ambit of taxation, and result in thousands of crores in revenue for the Government - which is a good thing. Many countries, notably in Europe, have also legalized things such as prostitution and marijuana, bringing these potentially dangerous activities under tight Government control, hence eliminating the influence of crime syndicates and generating legitimate revenue.

I suggest that India do the same with corruption.

Think about it.

Corruption is a blight on society in our country. Every day, crores of rupees are sunk into the black hole of bribes, large and small. Corruption causes untold suffering to all sorts of Indians, from jet-setting billionaires to the man on the street. It is a disease that impedes the progress of India's march towards true prosperity. It has the effect of dragging everything down, like Abhishek Bachchan in a movie with an otherwise decent cast. Or Yuvraj Singh on an escalator.

However, there's a simple way to eliminate the ill-effects of corruption, and actually make it contribute positively to society. All we need to do is make it legal. Change our laws to ensure that corruption is a practice that can be undertaken perfectly legally, after one obtains the necessary licenses from the Government. Simple.

Licenses can be given to anyone who meets the eligibility criteria (general sleaziness, ethical flexibility, ambiguous morals) and is willing to pay the license fees. The fees can be fixed in slabs, in accordance with the magnitude of the proposed corruption. Getting a license to accept bribes for handing out minor documents such as driving licenses or university degrees would be relatively inexpensive, when compared to getting a license that will permit you to award high-value mining, telecom or infrastructure contracts in exchange for monetary gains.

The sale of 'corruption licenses' alone would generate so much money for the exchequer, it would make A Raja look like a cop who just accepted a twenty rupee bribe to overlook a traffic-signal violation. And that's just for starters. Legalizing corruption means that you can tax it directly - resulting in seriously big income for the Government, freeing them up financially so they can ditch hare-brained schemes such as the NREGA and focus on building important stuff such as hideous statues of political figures, ugly memorials to great people and private roads for everyone.

And I haven't even mentioned the huge savings that would come from the shutting down all the various vigilance and anti-corruption cells, which would be rendered superfluous.

The beauty of this idea is that it is completely foolproof. Of course, any license-based system is vulnerable to being exploited by corrupt officials, but since, under the new rules, corruption itself would be quite legal, these unscrupulous elements would be in a fix. They would be thoroughly flummoxed, like so many ants trying to find the end of a Moebius Strip by marching steadfastly in one direction. Anyone looking to take bribes to award 'corruption licenses' would have to obtain a license themselves first. Licenses all the way up. Elegant, effective and infinitely recursive. All Government policy should be like that.

In fact, going forward, why stop at corruption? This policy can be extended to include extortion, goondaism, blackmail, forgery, perjury, and eventually, all of crime itself. This isn't as abhorrent as it sounds. So many activities that should be illegal are permitted by Indian law. We still allow crazies to run villages according to their whims and fancies. We still allow all manner of perfectly legal discrimination based on caste, religion and community. We still allow Ram Gopal Verma to make films.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not arguing that these things should be outlawed or anything. They are all wonderful examples of how stuff that would be illegal in most modern, liberated societies work extremely well in making India a strong and functioning democratic society. I'm just saying that there are so many other activities that, if legalized, can serve the same useful purpose.

Legalizing crime would also ensure that those pesky agencies which publish annoying reports about 'global crime rates' would be forced to declare India as 'completely crime-free'. This would boost our international image, make countries like Germany pale in comparison, and help tourism. People who are too terrified to visit South Africa because of the high crime rate would flock to Bihar instead. Think of the impact this would have on our economy.

The approach I'm suggesting isn't even new. It has been in existence in various forms for years, being called, among other things, "Moving the goalposts", "Lowering the bar", "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" "Never mind the footwork, look at the score" and "Modern Dance is brilliant - you just don't understand it".

Like all of you, I, too, dream of India as a Utopian society, free of crime, injustice and evil. To achieve this, we must turn our weaknesses into strengths.


Anand Ramachandran is a writer, comics creator and videogame designer who works when he isn't playing some game with an 'of' in its name.

The above is from Yahoo

Cost of Things

Over the weekend, I filled up my fuel tank, and I thought petrol has become really expensive after the recent price hike.

But then I compared it with other common liquids and did some quick calculations, and I felt a little better.

To know why, see the results below you'll be surprised at how outrageous some other prices are!

Diesel (regular) in Mumbai: Rs. 36.08 per litre
Petrol (regular unleaded) in Mumbai: Rs. 50.51 per litre
Coca Cola 330 ml can: Rs. 20 = Rs. 61 per litre
Dettol antiseptic 100 ml Rs. 20 = Rs. 200 per litre
Radiator coolant 500 ml Rs. 160 = Rs. 320 per litre
Pantene conditioner 400 ml Rs. 165 = Rs. 413 per litre
Medicinal mouthwash like Listerine 100 ml Rs. 45 = Rs. 450 per litre
Red Bull 150 ml can: Rs. 75 = Rs. 500 per litre
Corex cough syrup 100 ml Rs. 57 = Rs. 570 per litre
Evian water 500 ml Rs. 330 = Rs.. 660 per litre
Rs.. 500 for a litre of WATER???!!! And the buyers don't even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Kores white-out 15 ml Rs. 15 = Rs. 1000 per litre
Cup of coffee at any decent business hotel 150 ml Rs. 175 = Rs. 1167 per litre
Old Spice after shave lotion 100 ml Rs. 175 = Rs.. 1750 per litre
Pure almond oil 25 ml Rs. 68 = Rs. 2720 per litre
And this is the REAL KICKER...
HP deskjet colour ink cartridge 21 ml Rs.1900 = Rs. 90476 per litre!!!
Now you know why computer printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink!
So, the next time you're at the pump, don't curse our honourable Petroleum minister just be glad your Bike / car doesn't run on cough syrup, after shave, coffee, or God forbid, printer ink!


Sent by Arun Shroff.

Yes, its good to think every now and then of God's gift to us.
We have started paying for our water as the government could not supply clean drinking water to its people.
Thankfully, the air we breathe is still free. We are fortunate, Mr. Chidambaram (now Pranab Mukherjee) bas still not got the idea of putting a service tax on the air we breathe, or for the matter the sun's rays we receive or the numerous public (presently free) urinals we go to relieve ourselves.Maybe, just maybe, the corrupt government would be able to balance their budgets if they service taxed the above three items.

How to escaping chasing creatures






Sent by Desmond.
With the rapidly shrinking forestry, I don't think many of us will get the opportunity to put the suggestions into practise.
Those of you who chased the St. Helen's girls will now understand how they escaped you.
Like the above, they too may have found a method to escape your lecherous clutches.

Sheriff Joe

SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!

You all remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona , who painted the jail cells pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. Well..........

SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!

Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe!

Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs.. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay.

The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows.

The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million. Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health, and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78.

The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals.

I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand..

He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat, and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later. We have six trees in our yard from the Prison.

Yup, he was reelected last year with 83% of the vote.
Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural, that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He's kind of a 'Git-R Dun' kind of Sheriff.

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO

HE IS THE MARICOPA, ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF

AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ) who created the ' Tent City Jail':
He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights, cut off all but 'G' movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.

Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn't Get Sued For Discrimination.

He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order that Required Cable TV For Jails So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again . Only Let In The Disney Channel and The Weather Channel.

When asked why the weather channel, He Replied, So They Will Know How Hot It's Gonna Be While They Are Working ON My Chain Gangs.

He Cut Off Coffee Since It Has Zero Nutritional Value.

When the inmates complained, he told them, 'This Isn't The Ritz/Carlton...... If You Don't Like It, Don't Come Back.'


More On The Arizona Sheriff:

With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix (116 Degrees Just Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports:
About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued Pink Boxer Shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 Degrees Inside The Week Before.

Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels As Sweat Collected On Their Chests And Dripped Down To Their PINK SOCKS.

'It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,' Said James Zanzot, An Inmate Who Has Lived In The TENTS for 1 year. 'It's Inhumane.'

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic.. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: 'It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too, And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear,
But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes,So Shut Your Mouths!'

Way To Go, Sheriff!

Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

If you agree, pass this on. If not, just delete it.


Sent by Prakash Bhartia

I wish we had people like him in India.
The equivalent to the sheriff would be a mayor in our cities, assisted by his councillors.
We all know how honest the councillors are?
They take a cut from the contractors on all the expenses sanctioned by the municipality in their wards. That is why we see roads not lasting even one monsoon after repairs. It is in the councillors interest to have roads repaired everywhere for then he gets a percentage every year.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Brain and brawn should be used judiciously

Wood Cutter Story
Once upon a time, there was a very strong woodcutter. He asked for a job from a timber merchant, and he got it. The pay was really good and so were the work conditions.


For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best. His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to work. The first day, the woodcutter brought down 18 trees. The Boss was very much impressed and said, "Congratulations, Go on that way!"

Very motivated by the words of the boss, the woodcutter tried harder the next day, but he only could bring down 15 trees. The third day he tried even harder, but he only could bring down 10 trees. Day after day he was bringing down less and less trees. "I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought to himself.

He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on. "When was the last time you sharpened your axe?" the boss asked. "Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees."

The moral of the story:

Our lives are like that. We sometimes get so busy that we don't take time to sharpen the axe."

In today's world, it seems that everyone is busier than ever, but less happy than ever. Why is that? Could it be that we have forgotten how to stay sharp? There's nothing wrong with activity and hard work. But we should not get so busy that we neglect the truly important things in life, like our personal life, taking time to read etc. We all need time to relax, to think and meditate, to learn and grow.

If we don't take time to sharpen the axe, we will become dull and lose our effectiveness. So start from today, think about the ways by which you could do your job more effectively and add a lot of value to it.

Hope this story has given you some insight to life, may you be happy always!


Sent by Desmond

Baby Sitting


Sent by Keith Hayward

Why didn't we think of this earlier?

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

La Martiniere - a view

Learning starts with irreverence
Pritish Nandy, 14 June 2010, 09:42 AM IST

La Martiniere was the only school I ever went to. I joined it at 3 and passed out completing my Senior Cambridge. This is the school currently in the news because a student hung himself after the Principal caned him reportedly for not doing his homework. Corporal punishment is always a silly idea. It achieves little, hurts a lot. Depending on which part of your anatomy gets the stick. In our time it was the posterior, and as we all padded that well in advance with notebooks and towels, the Principal (who swung the cane) would first instruct us to drop our pants.

No, I wasn’t caned for not doing homework. In our time, students were far more irreverent. Not doing homework was the least of our transgressions. But the ecology of schools was so different then that even when we were punished, we took it easily in our stride. Studying was never a big deal. Learning was. And the real things I learnt out there were either on the rugby field or in the boxing ring and, yes, I made a few friends who have stayed on for life. That’s what schools were about in those days and La Martiniere was a fine example. It was there that I learnt music, theatre, swimming, writing, waltzing, carpentry and how to smoke grass. Geography I learnt much later while travelling the world. Poetry I found after I unlearnt Shakespeare. History I picked up from the movies. But the subject I hated the most, maths, is the one I love today thanks to Martin Gardner who taught me the art of artfully resolving any complex mathematical problem.

Caning was commonplace then. No one gave it a second thought. If anything, your classmates saw you as a hero if you got whacked. Like the time the watchman caught me climbing down the waterpipe at night from the Girls School dorm next door. A sudden burst of pigeons from the corner of a ledge woke him up and almost killed me. Another time I was caned for scribbling love notes with strong sexual undercurrents to my junior school teacher, Miss Martin. I was also whacked for helping a friend during an exam. The notes in his underwear had fallen off. The hardest whack I got was for writing an essay which questioned the existence of God and said that if I had a choice I would rather go with Madhubala. Yet I was let off with a warning when they found me, at a social, waltzing with a girl not where the others were, but behind the Tech School in the dark, under the starry skies. My school tie was off. So was her shirt.

Yes, we were punished for many reasons. But we never felt humiliated. We went back and did the same things again, just making sure we were not caught. Caning was like a badge of honour. We were heroes every time the Principal (Mr Chalk and Mr Vyse, the two fine men who wielded the cane on our bottoms) announced our names sternly at the morning service and called us to his office. We knew what that meant. But it never embarrassed us. In fact, I took bets on how many whacks I would get. Three was the max. I always got away with one. I suspect we were caned only because the Principal felt it was his duty to do so. It was an intrinsic part of the Coming of Age ritual. There was no viciousness there. Nor a mistaken belief that caning would make better young men out of us.

Today, the entire ecology of schools has changed. The charming irreverence that made our years there such great fun has all but vanished. What we have instead is a strange combination of fear and stress. The love, the warmth, the humour, the camaraderie that was an intrinsic part of our growing up years has gone. Everything is judged purely by academic performance, the marks students get. It’s an edgy, competitive scenario where you perform or perish. Everyone’s under great pressure. When I got a first division, I remember how disappointed I was. It was not what I wanted in life. I would have much rather run off with Mr Vyse’s charming daughter, the lovely Suzette who danced like a dream and won every race at the school sports. But no, she was not mine to be. She finished school, married an Anglo Indian boy and vanished into the Great Outback.

It’s this ecological breakdown that makes corporal punishment look even uglier. When a young boy in Class VIII kills himself for being caned it can only mean one thing: A total breakdown of communication between him and the world around him. School is not where you go just to get some good grades. It’s a place where you grow up, make friends, learn a few sports, discover yourself and the world around you. And if someone whacks you once in a while, you take it in your stride. There’s a whole world out there to be conquered. You can’t give that up so easily


The above has been sent by Pradeep Mohan.

I couldn't agree more with Pritish.
Our whole world has become Topsy turvy on account of competition.
Parents want their children to excel in whatever they do.Thus we see children who have just learnt to walk taking part in Dance Reality shows in various channels romping about the stage performing intricate steps. You can imagine the hours they must have spent in learning those steps
Now if the children did it out of enjoyment, it would have been acceptable but they perform just to win against fierce competition and parents goad them and maybe also beat them to perform. We have on many occasions seen the ugly sight of parents arguing in front of the camera and children crying.
We saw last year how a boy died when a table tennis racket thrown by his own father struck him on the head.
Children jump right from the cradle to the school desk.
What we or Pritish Nandy enjoyed in school can never even be dreamt by today's children. I suppose that is the penalty we have to pay for the high population growth of our country and the bankruptcy of ideas among our leaders and politicians.
I am regularly stressing on population growth but none of our leaders are paying attention. The streets in our metros are already occupied by hawkers during the day and sleepers during the night.The queues in front of the road side water taps are growing longer but our leaders are too scared to broach the subject for fear of displeasing the minorities.

Bill Clinton - Lovable?



It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious.
From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.
"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.

Number 1 - He played the sax.

Number 2 - He smoked weed.

Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women.

Even now? Look at him; his wife works, and he doesn't! And, he gets a check from the government every month.
Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' distinguished men.

It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The Clinton revised judicial oath:

"I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know.."


------------------------------------------------------------------

Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between the Bushes."


Sent by Viraj Thacker

ATM Precautions








VERY IMPORTANT AND INTERESTING

WHEN A THIEF FORCES YOU TO TAKE MONEY FROM THE ATM, DO NOT ARGUE OR RESIST,
YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW WHAT HE OR SHE MIGHT DO TO YOU. WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS TO
PUNCH YOUR PIN IN THE REVERSE, I..E IF YOUR PIN IS 1254, YOU PUNCH 4521.

THE MOMENT YOU PUNCH IN THE REVERSE, THE MONEY WILL COME OUT BUT WILL BE
STUCK INTO THE MACHINE HALF WAY OUT AND IT WILL ALERT THE POLICE WITHOUT THE NOTICE OF THE THIEF.
EVERY ATM HAS IT; IT IS SPECIALLY MADE TO SIGNIFY DANGER AND HELP. NOT EVERYONE IS AWARE OF THIS.


Sent by a colleague, Pradip Nahata

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Working Late in office

A Different Boss

Scientists at the Rocket launching station in Thumba, were in the habit of working for nearly 12 to 18 hours a day. There were about Seventy such scientists working on a project. All the scientists were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of their boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.

One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.

His boss replied - O K, , You are permitted to leave the office early today.

The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 p.m

Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children. He looked for his boss,,He was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home.

Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children.

He reached home. Children were not there.His wife alone was sitting in the hall and reading magazines. The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him.

His wife asked him - Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner if you are hungry.

The man replied - If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what about Children ? ? ?

Wife replied- You don't know - Your manager came at 5 15 p.m and has taken the children to the exhibition.

What had really happened was

The boss who granted him permission was observing him working seriously at 5.00 p.m. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition.
So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition

The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty is established.

That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss eventhough the stress was tremendous.

By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was????????

He was President Of India, His Excellency Dr. A. P. J. Abdul Kalam




Sent by U Banderjee, North Point

How refreshingly different from the stories we hear of the present incumbent, Pratibha Patil.
How she and her family members have tried to disposess people of their land by using forged documents or have tried to take advantage of her foreign visits to further heir own business interests.
Religion has nothing to do with goodness or rascality (is there such a word?) of a person.
We have saints and sinners, rich and poor in all castes and religion.
The BJP, the Congress and the politicians who claim themselves to be messiahs of the muslims, SC/ST, OBC and other caste Hindus.
Hunger knows no religion or caste.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

A JPC on the CBI

BJP demands a JPC probe into 'misuse of CBI by Congress'
June 12, 2010 16:16 IST

The Bharatiya Janata Party has demanded a Joint Parliamentary Committee probe into the misuse of the Central Bureau of Investigation by the Congress led-United Progressive Alliance government.

BJP president Nitin Gadkari in his inaugural address at the party's national executive meeting that began in Patna on Saturday, said that the BJP strongly demand a JPC probe into the misuse of the CBI.

Gadkari charged the Congress for forcing the CBI to work for its political designs.

He described the CBI as the 'Congress Bureau of Intimidation.' "The CBI has simply become a tool of intimidation," Gadkari said.

He said that latest revelation by an officer in the context of the Bhopal gas tragedy has reinforced the fear that the Congress is continuing this strategy to cow down opponents or to let free from law their 'acquaintances' like Bofors scam accused Ottavio Quatrrochhi, and WarrenAnderson, former CEO of United Carbide and wanted in the Bhopal tragedy case.

BJP national spokesperson Ravi Shankar Prasad at a press meet later said that the CBI was misused in several case including the Gujarat riots of 2002 and fodder scam involving former Union minister Lalu Prasad Yadav


I heartily agree with Gadkari that the CBI is partial but not towards the Congress, they are partial to the party in power at the centre.

A JPC probe is not required.
It is an established fact that the CBI wags its tail at the beckoning of the central government.
Further, the JPC is useless as no government has ever acted on a JPC report. It is just an eye wash to gain brownie points against either the government or the opposition

What is required is that the CBI should truly be made a neutral investigation agency which is impervious to the manipulations of politicians.
Will the opposition agree to this?
If they do, then India will be on its way to a corruption free government.

Friday, June 11, 2010

CBI pet poodle of the central government

CBI failed to act on warrant against Anderson

The trial court in the Bhopal gas tragedy case had issued an arrest warrant against former Union Carbide CEO Warren Anderson last year but the CBI had failed to give any written response to it, according to court sources.

They said the warrant, the second against Anderson, was issued by Chief Judicial Magistrate Mohan P Tiwari on July 2, 2009 but the CBI did not give any written response to it.

Anderson was the chairman of the Union Carbide Corporation (UCC) at the time of the disaster in December 1984 which left over 15,000 people dead.

Instead, they said, a CBI official met Tiwari and orally conveyed to him that for the agency, Anderson's case had been closed.

The first court warrant against Anderson was issued in 1992.


The CBI may be an independent agency but for all practical purposes it an extended arm of the government at the centre and its allies.
Like a pet poodle, if the government says stand, it will stand and if it says sit, it will sit. If the centre says wag your tail, it will wag its tail.
Irrespective of who is in power at the cente, it will wag its tail.
whether Congress, Janata Dal, NDA, UPA.
Come one, come all - rape me as if I am a prostitute.
Even criminals are caught and let off as per dictates of the centre.
All the media and papers know it but they keep quiet until the next episode comes.
Then they shout as if they are trying to open the public's eyes.
We all know it.
What does the media do?
When it wants it can be effective like in the Rathore case and earlier in the Manu Sharma case. But mostly it keeps quiet as it too connives with rich and powerful people in politics and business to scuttle investigation. After all the ad revenue and the bottles and invitations to tour places comes from the government.
How can you bite the hand which feeds you?

Criminals fear the law in Bihar

Bihar takes on crime with high conviction rate

Patna, June 8 : If the nearly 48,500 convictions of criminals in Bihar in the last four and a half years are anything to go by, the state once a byword for lawlessness is finally taking on organised crime and the politician-crime nexus

According to police records, 48,427 criminals were convicted and punished by fast track courts across the state between January 2006 and May 2010.

"Conviction of the criminals in such a short span of time is a big achievement and a model for others to follow," Additional Director General of Police P.K. Thakur told IANS. Thakur said the speedy trial of criminals initiated by the state government has been lauded by people in the state as well as outside.

During this period, 124 people, including criminals-turned-politicians, were sentenced to death, 8,602 people sentenced to life imprisonment and 2,282 were awarded jail terms of over 10 years.

Police officials here claim that Bihar has surpassed other states in awarding the death sentence to the maximum number of people in 54 months.

When Chief Minister Nitish Kumar came to power Nov 24, 2005, he promised to make Bihar crime-free within three months. He later admitted that it was not possible. But Kumar repeatedly said the crime rate has significantly abated over the years.

Conveying this message during his ongoing "Vishvas Yatra", Kumar told the people that criminals now fear disturbing law and order because of his "political determination to prosecute them through speedy trails".

Bihar police chief Neelmani said the high rate of convictions through speedy trials has instilled a sense of fear in the minds of criminals and anti-social elements.

"It was made possible by speedy trials and convictions. The result is also impressive as the state has recorded a decline in incidents of crime, particularly organised crime," Neelmani said.

For the first time in the state, over a dozen MPs and legislators have been convicted and punished and there has been a sharp decline in the number of abductions and other crimes, including murder, robbery, bank dacoity and road holdups.

In the first week of June this year, Pappu Khan, a former Rashtriya Janata Dal (RJD) legislator, was sentenced to life imprisonment in a murder case.

Other well-known convicts include former RJD MPs Pappu Yadav and Mohammad Shahabuddin, former Lok Janshakti Party MP Surajbhan Singh, former Janata Dal-United (JD-U) MP Anand Mohan, his wife Lovely Anand and JD-U legislators Narendra Kumar alias Sunil Pandey and Munna Shukla.

Pappu Yadav was convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment for the murder of Communist Party of India-Marxist leader Ajit Sarkar.

Shahabuddin, who is lodged in Siwan jail, was convicted in seven criminal cases, with a maximum sentence of life imprisonment.

Sunil Pandey was convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment for the kidnapping of a noted neuro-surgeon in Patna, while Munna Shukla was sentenced to life imprisonment for the murder of G. Krishnaiah, then the district magistrate of Gopalganj. Anand Mohan was sentenced to death for the same murder.

However, the many convictions have added to the overcrowding in Bihar jails, where, for the first time, convicts outnumber undertrials.

There are nearly 40,000 prisoners lodged in 54 jails, which together are supposed to hold a maximum of 20,000 prisoners.


What a refreshing change?
And this has been possible by the vision of one man who wanted to rid his state of crime and corruption.
It is no wonder that Bill Gates found the time to visit Bihar. He too seems to have put his bet on Bihar improving tremendously.
The most important part is that criminals are being jailed, irrespective of party affiliations.
Pappu Khan, a former Rashtriya Janata Dal (RJD) Legislator
Former RJD MP Pappu Yadav
Mohammad Shahabuddin
Former Lok Janshakti Party MP Surajbhan Singh,
former Janata Dal-United (JD-U) MP Anand Mohan
His wife Lovely Anand
JD-U legislators Narendra Kumar alias Sunil Pandey
Munna Shukla.

That's like a WHOSE WHO of criminals in Bihar.
If Madam Tussuad prepared wax images of criminals in her museum, all of them would find a pride of place.
Well done, Nitish.

Lunch with Buffet

Buffett lunch bid reaches $900,100, one day to go
Fri, Jun 11 02:25 AM

The high bid for a steak lunch with Warren Buffett has reached $900,100, with a little over a day to go in the annual charity auction.
Since beginning on Sunday night, the auction on eBay Inc's website had generated 45 bids from eight bidders as of 4 p.m. EDT (2000 GMT), with the top bid rising from $700,100 a day earlier. Bidding started at $25,000.
The winner and up to seven friends will dine with the world's third-richest person at the Smith & Wollensky steakhouse in midtown Manhattan.
Bidders' names are being kept confidential by eBay, which concludes the auction on Friday at 10:30 p.m. EDT (0230 GMT Saturday).
Proceeds benefit the Glide Foundation, a San Francisco nonprofit that offers meals, healthcare, child care, housing and job training for the poor and homeless. Smith & Wollensky is also donating $10,000.
Buffett's 10 prior auctions for Glide have raised more than $5.9 million. This included a record $2,110,100 in 2008 from Hong Kong investor Zhao Danyang, and $1,680,300 last year by Toronto wealth manager Salida Capital Corp.
Bids typically soar in the last hour or two of auctions. The top bid last year had reached just $456,789 with fewer than 12 hours remaining.
Buffett, 79, pledged most of his wealth to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and four family charities.
He runs Berkshire Hathaway Inc, and according to Forbes magazine has a $47 billion fortune.
Buffett began donating lunches in 2000 after his wife Susan introduced him to the Rev. Cecil Williams, who founded Glide and has led it for more than 45 years. The first three auctions were live, and bidding soared once they moved online.
Susan Buffett died in 2004, and Warren Buffett remarried two years later.

The virgin

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'.

'What?' said the puzzled groom.

'How can that be possible if you've been married ten times!'

'Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he just kept telling me how great it was going to be.

'Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

'Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

'Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

'Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

'Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

'Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

'Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was.......Geez I miss him.

'But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.

'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?

To which she replied, 'You're with the 'GOVERNMENT' ... ....
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED!


It seems governments are the same everywhere, fit for screwing or be screwed.

Sent by Prakash Bhartia

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Ambiguity

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

Please enjoy and understand the following


1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

10. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?


11. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

12. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
13. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

14. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

15. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

16. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

17. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

18. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

19. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

20. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

21. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

22. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

23. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

24. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

25. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

26. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?


Sent by Prakash Bhartia

A Guiness Book Record

LARGEST FLOWER IN THE WORLD .

The largest flower in the world was blossoming in Blanco , Veracruz , Mexico .
2 meters high and weighing 75 kilos, it has the peculiarity of blooming only
during three days every 40 years.

You'd only see it once or twice in a lifetime!

Shouldn't this qualify as the "8th Wonder of the World"?


Sent by Partha Sengupta




Save our Enviornment

This photo was taken of a bird on the beach at East Grand Terre Island, LA on Thursday. It's hard to look at.

The disaster in the Gulf of Mexico is heartbreaking—but if an image like this can do anything, it can sear into our minds the fact that we need a real plan to stop abusing mother nature and our life support systems.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

When Raju can meet visitors, why can't he attend court?


By siliconindia news bureau
Monday, 07 June 2010, 14:08 IST

Hyderabad: Doctors at Nizam's Institute of Medical Sciences (NIMS) has filed a report to court saying that the mastermind behind Satyam scam B Ramalinga Raju's condition is alarming and he runs high risk of contracting severe infections if moved out of the hospital.

According to a report by Suresh Dharaur of Tribune News Service, the visitors' book at the hospital shows that Raju had received 270 visitors in three months. In the wake of this CBI, which is probing the Rs. 7,800 crore scam, has accused that Raju is avoiding court on grounds of feigning sickness.


The report has suggested that Raju is not well that he could not be produced before the special court which is hearing the case nor could he run the risk of facing the investigators.

According to the NIMS report, Raju is suffering from Hepatitis C, inflammation of the lungs and also heart disease and needs to stay in the hospital for a few more weeks. Citing the hospital's visitors' log, CBI said that Raju has been meeting large number of visitors in contravention of the rules and the court orders.

In the wake of CBI's doubts regarding Raju's health, the court has directed the hospital authorities to submit a detailed report about his condition. The investigating agency has filed a petition before the special court seeking his trial through video link. However, Raju, his brother and former Managing Director of Satyam Rama Raju and other accused in the scam, opposed video trial. "It is clear that Raju is avoiding trail on a false ground. When he can see so many visitors in his room and talk to them, why cannot he attend the court?" the CBI Deputy Inspector General V V Lakshminarayana said.

Raju's White Blood Corpuscle (WBC) count was much below normal and had developed complications due to anti-viral treatment, it said. The NIMS report, submitted in March, suggested that it was not possible to produce Raju in the court as his health condition was alarming. "He needs at least four to six weeks to recover from side effects caused by anti-viral treatment for Hepatitis-C. It is not advisable to take him outside the hospital," said the report submitted by Dr Ajit Kumar, Head of Gastroenterology, NIMS.


Another example of the corruption existing in the medical profession.
You can get just any certificate from them if you pay them their fees.
This is how the moneyed class escape punishment.
As soon as a warrant issued against them, they clutch the left side of their chest as if they are on the point of expiring. This is an age old trick resorted to by politicians and rich people to escape justice.
Why doesn't the judiciary do something against those people who feign illness?
Is it because they too get a cut from these criminals.
It is these in the judiciary who give the judiciary a bad name and provides fodder to the corrupt politicians to counter attack the judiciary.
Such judges and those who allow bail to criminals (who then go out and threaten witnesses, extort money and murder people subsequently) should be removed

Torture of Terrorists


You gotta love this guy!
DON CHERRY of Hockey Night in Canada, was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.
HIS STATEMENT:
"If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camel shagger will save just one Canadian life, then I have only three things to say:

Red is positive, black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet.


Sent by Prakash Bhartia

I agree with this person on his way to deal with terrorists.
However the police and the people in power are in most cases as much criminals as the person whom they torture.
Giving them a licence to use these methods allows them to use these methods against law abiding citizens who disagree with their policies.
We are seeing that in our governments pronunciation against NGOs who are coming out against the Indian governments policies vis-a-vis the Maoists.
Instead of going into the reasons why these youths embraced Maoism, they are trying to kill them and the villagers who are forced to help them.
Something like cutting off your nose when you have a cold.

Superstition, History and Engineering

Railroad tracks. This is fascinating.
Be sure to read the final paragraph; your understanding of it will depend on the earlier part of the content.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the US railroads.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?' , you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.) Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah The
engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything... and
CURRENT Horses Asses are controlling everything else


Sent by Prakash Bahartia.
As they say, there is a method in the madness.
It is up to you to locate the madness.

The Hindus worship the cow to express their gratitude for all the benefits it provides.
One such family kept a young calf in its courtyard.
During Diwali, because of space restriction, they had to tie the calf outside to release space for the Puja.
A newly married wife who saw them tie the calf outside thought it was one of the rituals so when she set up house with a husband, during Diwali, she would make her husband bring a calf and tie it outside their house during Diwali.

We have seen many footballers and cricketers wearing the same jersey or shirt for their matches because they had worn that on their first match they played and won.

I have seen boys appearing in their exams wearing the same shirt or using the same pen in all their papers since they had done well in the first paper using those.

We all know about a cat crossing the road or walking under the ladder or couple kissing under the mistletoe.

Man normally finds himself weak and he takes these crutches to pull him through life
I am yet to find a man who is not affected by these superstitions.

Monday, June 7, 2010

The Millau Viaduct

As an engineer, technical feats achieved by man always interest me. Be it the Darjeeling Himalayan Railways or putting man on the moon. The ultimate achievement would be putting man on the sun. Of course, that would have to be done at night when the sun is not shining,
Arun Shroff has sent the pictures of a bridge, I am hearing for the first time.
Do enjoy the marvellous pictures.


There's something just not right about driving above the clouds.



The Millau Viaduct is part of the new E11 expressway
connecting Paris and Barcelona and features the highest bridge piers ever
constructed.
The tallest is 240 metres (787 feet) high and the
overall height is an impressive 336 metres
(1102 feet), making this the highest bridge in the world.
It's taller than the Eiffel Tower .

Interestingly, the Millau Viaduct is not straight.

Why?
It's because a straight road could induce a floating sensation as
you drive across it.
So, a slight curve remedies that feeling.
The curve is 20km in range.
Moreover, the road has a light
incline of 3% to improve the visibility and reassure the driver.

An amazing engineering feat!



See the whole bridge.
What a view - 787 feet high!

Smile a While

Two Brisbane businessmen were sitting down for a break in their
soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and
only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now
some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and
ask what we're selling". No sooner were the words out of his mouth when,
sure enough, a curious
Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek and, in a thick
Japanese accent, asked: 'What you sell?'
One of the men replied sarcastically: 'We're selling ass-holes.'

Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'You doing velly well,
only two left!'


The above is from U Banerjee, North Point.

The following is from Prakash Bhartia


While trying to escape through Pakistan , Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up.

Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am?
I don't need any common woman giving me anything."

The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well,I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you."

The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.


The next morning, Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Nancy Pelosi at his side.

His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.

God is good..


I sometimes wonder, why Osama has all the luck.