Girls Can Never be Too Careful

This is n extract from Rediff for sharing.

Date rape: 'You can't be too careful' by Insiyah Vahanvaty

Back in 2003, we were horrified when a young girl in Goa [Images] was drugged and gang-raped by her friends after she smoked a 'cigarette' they offered her.

In 2007, headlines carried the tragic tale of a British tourist who was drugged and sexually assaulted by a friend in her hotel room in Delhi [Images].

And last week, we recoiled in horror when the media carried a story of how a 23-year-old American girl, a student at the Tata Institute of Social Sciences, TISS, in Trombay, was drugged and raped by six male friends.

The common factor in all three stories? The shocking fact that all the above victims were betrayed and violated by those they knew and trusted -- their friends.

Much as we may like to believe that date rape is a curse of the Western world, we have to open our eyes to the fact that the crime is much closer to home than we realise. Instances of date rape are steadily rising in India -- so much so that most of us know someone who has got into a pickle with people she knew and trusted.

The free availability of sedatives and party drugs over the counter have led to an enormous amount of misuse and numerous girls wake up the morning after with no recollection of how they spent the night.

These drugs are colourless, odourless and tasteless, so spiking someone's drink with them is extremely easy. They are available at pharmacies even without a doctor's prescription. The victim of a date rape drug might experience disorientation, memory loss and time-space confusion, which makes it very easy to rape her.

Says 30-year-old Delhiite Shaurya Roy, "I remember this one instance a few years ago, at a party I attended. It was at a farmhouse and I noticed that one of the bedrooms in the house was locked. I thought there might be a couple inside, so I left. However, later I was told that a friend of mine was drunk and had been taken in there by a guy she barely knew. We rushed inside and found her sprawled on the bed, naked. After kicking the guy out, we dressed her and took her to the doctor, where she regained consciousness. She chose not to report the incident or press charges."

Such shocking events are not as isolated as we may be tempted to believe. Simar Suri, a 24-year-old law graduate who lives in Mumbai [Images], has the following tale to tell: "When I was in law school, a friend of mine went out drinking with her buddies. Though she didn't have too many drinks, she says she got really drunk and blacked out. She doesn't remember anything that happened after that. The next morning she found herself in her bed, undressed. We don't know what was in her drink, but she slept for two whole days after that."

Explains Simar, "Whenever I go out drinking, I make sure I get my own drinks, and that bottles of beer are opened at the table itself. I also keep my guard up with boys I don't know too well -- if they seem pushy, warning bells start sounding in my head. I also limit myself to one drink when out with people I've met recently. And no matter who I'm going with, I make sure a friend or family member knows where I am. After all, it can happen to anyone, anytime. As women, we have to be on our guard, because it just takes one slip-up to ruin your life."

Shaurya agrees. "It's a very sorry thing that we're seeing these days. If it were left to me, all perpetrators of this crime would find themselves either behind bars, or serving time in a mental asylum. It's sick! Women need to take care of themselves -- to watch how much they are drinking, make sure they are in an environment where they can call for help if required and not leave their drinks or food unattended."

Being drugged is not the only thing you need to be careful of. Date rape can take place even when you're completely in your senses, in broad daylight.

If you don't know them very well, beware of men who suggest taking you home when nobody is around, dates in isolated places, long drives alone etc.

Visiting an isolated place, where no help is readily available puts you in a vunerable position that a potentail rapist could take advantage of.

Unfortunately, the rising occurrence of date rapes has its backlash on a woman's liberty itself. She can't let her guard down, even when hanging out with friends, feels the need to protect herself at all times and might curb her own freedom in the interest of her safety. Hostels are tightening security and making more strict their guidelines for students, parents are regulating their daughters' whereabouts more vigilantly, and women themselves are frightened enough to be wary at all times, even when surrounded by friends.

Asks 25-year-old Mumbaiite Sharayna Desouza, "Who can we trust? These incidents have us looking at everyone with suspicion. It's not fair that we have to constantly feel threatened. You can't be too careful -- I've started taking precautions to protect myself. For instance, I try to go out in a group as much as possible, always finish my drink before going to the loo, never go drinking on a first date, and try not to attract unnecessary attention. In this situation, the only person who can protect yourself is you."

To help prevent yourself from becoming a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of someone you know, here's a checklist of dos and don'ts to adher to the next time you're out to have a good time with friends:
Do's:
# Meet male friends you don't know very well in public places, where help is readily available.
# Make sure your friends and family know where you're going and with whom.
# Keep your guard up, especially with people you don't know too well.
# Try to have a trusted friend go out with you.
# Make sure you know how you're getting home.
# Go out in a group as much as possible -- there's safety in numbers.
# Watch your drink at all times when you go partying.
# Have the waiter open bottles of alcohol at the table.
# Control how much you drink.
# Stick to one drink if you're with people you don't know very well.
# Drink lots of water and eat while you drink to make sure you don't get drunk.

Don'ts:
# Go on dates to isolated places, long drives or put yourself in situations that make you vulnerable, where getting help would be difficult.
# Ignore warning signs, like men who don't take no for an answer, or men who seem eager to get you drunk.
# Go alone to house parties.
# Attract unnecessary attention.
# Let someone you don't know very well drive you home.
# Ask someone else to get you a drink.
# Leave your drink unattended.
# Drink too much, or use substances that could intoxicate you.
# Think it can't happen to you!


Safety tips for single women-Dr Diwan Rahul Nanda


How's this for frightening statistics: In India, a woman is molested every 26 minutes. A woman is raped every 34 minutes. There's one being sexually harassed every 42 minutes, another being kidnapped every 43 minutes. One woman is killed every 93 minutes. And these are just the reported cases!

Unfortunately, ignoring personal safety and security is a big mistake most women make.

Incorporating these safety tips should help.Safety at home

Most people actually make it easy for burglars to work, but you can reduce the chance of becoming a target by using a little extra care and thought about the security of your home, apartment and neighbourhood.

~ Get new locks or have the tumblers reset when you move into a previously occupied dwelling. A locksmith should be able to do this for you.

~ Don't hide a key outside the door, under mats, flowerpots or under rocks. If you want extra keys nearby, leave one with a trusted neighbour.

~ Make sure you have good, safe locks on all doors. Use auxiliary dead bolt locks on all exterior doors and make sure they are installed properly. Lock all doors when you go out, even if it's for just a minute!

~ Install an alarm that can detect entry or smoke.

~ Be cautious when strangers enter your home. Use a peephole or look through a window to check. If you must talk to a stranger, never open the door wide. If you have a security chain attached, only open as far as it will allow.

~ Report broken streetlights in your neighbourhood. Well-lit areas discourage burglars.

~ Do not leave your house and car keys together with attendants at public parking lots. Your house key can be quickly duplicated and your address obtained from your plate number.

~ Don't give information to strangers over the telephone. On wrong number calls, don't give the caller your number. Report continued wrong calls to the telephone company.

~ Don't give your computer password or other pertinent information to others.

~ If possible, use metal grillwork on entrance doors.

~ Report any strangers loitering in your neighbourhood or people asking vague questions about your neighbours.

~ Store ladders inside. If you can't, lock them up securely somewhere else. Suggest your neighbours follow this rule as well.

~ Use lights effectively, leave several on in different areas of the house when you go out.

~ A safe inexpensive window lock can also be made.

~ Leave a radio playing quietly when you go out to give the impression that someone is at home.

~ Vary your routine. If you follow the same routine week in and week out, a would-be burglar could watch your movements.

~ If your phone is attached to an answering machine, make sure your message does not give the impression to a caller that you are not at home. Make sure your phone does not continue to ring and ring, giving an indication that you are not at home.

~ Remove your name and address from any magazines or papers before discarding them.

~ Shred all papers that contain pertinent information about you and members of your family.

~ Single women should never place their full name in a mailbox -- your first and middle initial may be used, not 'Miss,' 'Ms' or 'Mrs'.

~ Keep few valuables in your apartment.

~ Keep your mailbox empty. If you are away, arrange with a neighbour or building manager to have all mail taken out.

~ Check references of maids, cleaning women or anyone else who may have to work inside your apartment while you are away from it.

~ A dog can often prevent a burglary. Place a 'Beware of dog' sign in your windows.

If you don't have a dog, purchase a heavy-duty dog chain, a large dog collar and dog dish. Place all three items in plain sight where a would-be burglar can see them.
In your car and parking lots

~ Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating or working and just sit working on their chequebooks or making a list, etc. Do not do this!

~ Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. Check under the car as well.

~ While driving alone, lock yourself in. Do not give lifts.

~ Better have your tank full during the day. Never even think of stopping at a gas station alone at night or on the outskirts of the city.

~ If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. You could be attacked/ pulled into the van when you are attempting to get into your cars.

~ Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest to your car, you may want to walk back and get a colleague/ guard/ policeman to walk you back out.

~ Keep a pencil and paper in your car. If you see a prowling car in your neighbourhood, take down the license number. Ask your children to be alert for suspicious vehicles.

~ Become familiar with your neighbours' cars. Any car that does not belong in your neighbourhood should be considered a possible suspect.
Better safe than sorry

~ Always take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone.

~ Do not get into an elevator if there is someone it in with whom you are not comfortable.

~ Do not stand in the corners of the elevator, be near the front by the doors, ready to get off.

~ Women are always very sympathetic. Do not help a handicapped man or someone asking for an address on a lonely street. It sounds rude, but you never know.

~ Continuous eve-teasing by locals should be notified to the police.

~ If stalked, walk to the local police station. Change direction of walking and never enter a lonely area.

~ Always keep your distance when walking past strangers on the street or in dark areas.

~ Get a cell phone. Keep it charged.

~ If you are walking alone in the dark or in a lonely area, and you find someone stalking you, scream 'fire' and not 'help'. People don't want to get involved when people yell 'help' but 'fire' draws attention because people are nosy. Then, run!

~ Offending phone calls from an ex-boyfriend should be clearly avoided. Be polite and firm. If he doesn't stop, report it to the police.

~ Avoid travelling by train after normal working hours.
At social events

~ Young women in dating situations should never leave drinks unattended. A 'date rape' drug can be easily slipped into a glass. When returning from the dance floor or restroom, get a new drink from the bartender.

~ When making plans to go out for the first time, consider meet your date at a public place. Also, let someone know whom you are meeting and where you are going.

~ While dating online, do not, under any circumstance, reveal any personally identifiable information in your profile, personal ads, or private e-mails. Use only the communication tools provided by your dating service or chat rooms.

Use your judgement here.

When you e-mail in private, you may want to consider using an anonymous e-mail account at a free site.

Take your time to establish communication and move at your own pace.

Be careful with your email signatures. They sometimes include phone numbers and addresses.

~ Remember, you are in control. No one should pressurise you into revealing anything about yourself that you want to keep private. Anyone who does is not respecting your boundaries and is probably not worth contacting any further.
While exercising outdoors

~ The most important thing you can do is stay in well-travelled residential areas. Avoid isolated areas.

~ Never wear headphones while walking or jogging outside. It not only increases the likelihood that you will not hear someone approach from behind, but doing so sends a clear message to the outside world that you are not attuned to your surroundings and hence vulnerable.

~ Always assume hostile intent from strangers and keep your distance. Remember, many attacks are preceded by one of these three questions: 'May I use your phone?', 'What time is it?' and 'Do you know how to get to...?'
Other things to do

~ The eyes are the most vulnerable part of the body. Poke the attacked there and you have possibly your only window of opportunity to escape.

~ Aim for the groin area. A hard kick or a knee jammed into your attacker's groin will temporarily leave him unable to attack you.

~ The neck is also a vulnerable spot, but have you know where to grip and you have the strength to cut off his breath.

~ The last place is the knees. Everyone's knees are vulnerable and a swift kick here will get anyone down.

~ Take a self-defence course and carry pepper spray if you wish, but don't let either give you a false sense of security. Better to avoid areas where an attack can take place.

~ Don't depend on a dog to protect you all the time. If you are single and have a dog, let it be trained professionally to defend you.

~ If someone points a gun at you and demands that you get in a car, don't! Few criminals can shoot accurately at a moving target, so you are less likely to be injured while running away.

~ Finally, remember: Assuming that none of this will ever happen to you is ridiculous. No one expects it, but we must be aware and prepared.

Dr Diwan Rahul Nanda is chairman and MD, Topsgrup. Tospgrup is India's first and only security organisation to be accredited with the coveted ISO 9001:2000 certification.