Old is When...

When does a person realize he/she is getting old?
Greying hair?
Failing eyesight?
Losing molars?
Wobbly and painful joints?
I suppose, it is a mixture of all these.
However, Rex Barker has a completely different definition of "Getting Old"

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door,

'OLD' IS WHEN..
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor
instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You're not sure if these are jokes.

A good memory is a very great gift of God.
If we look up history, we will find out that those who progressed most in life are the ones who had very good memories.
I have a very poor memory.
My father had a very good memory. He would remember transactions done more than one yearago.
However, having a bad memory is also good especially regarding statements made and quarrels.
I am sure most of you may have had the mortification of words being thrown back at you by your wife which you had uttered more than 10 years ago and which you had long forgotten. Wives are very spiteful in this warfare. So those of you who plan to get married should think before you say anything to your wife in anger.
However, being forgetful could be very dangerous as is proved by this tale sent by Rex Barker.

Meat Tree...

Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days, and then the pioneers saw an old Norwegian sitting beneath a tree.

"Is there some place ahead where we can get food?"

"Vell, I tink so," the old man said, "but I wouldn't go up dat hilll und down de udder side. Somevun tole me you'd run into a big bacon tree."

"A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader.

"Yah, n bacon tree. Vould I lie? Trust me. I vouldn't go dere."

The leader goes back and tells his people what the Norwegian said. "So why did he say not to go there?," a person asked. Other pioneers said, "Oh, you know those Norwegian people - they lie just for a joke."

So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack them from everywhere and massacre all except the leader who manages to escape and get back to the old Norwegian. Near dead, the man shouts, "You fool! You sent us to our deaths! We followed your route, but there was no bacon tree, just hundreds of Indians who killed everyone but me."

The old Norwegian man holds up his hand and says, "Vait a minute."He quickly picks up an English-Norwegian dictionary and begins thumbing through it.

"Oof-da, I made such ah big mishtake! It vuzn't a bacon tree ... it vuz a ham bush."