Happy Weekend

Happy Weekend

Tact, as taught by the Marines

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.

The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

The Master Chief answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."

The Admiral threw him out also.

The third interview was with a Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.

"Do you notice anything different about me?"

To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes. You wear contact lenses."

The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.

The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin' ear."

Little Bruce

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old,

But they know they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married,

So Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,

"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love

And I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,

Mr. Smith replies,"Well Bruce, you are only 10..Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it,

Bruce replies,"In Jenny's room.

It's bigger than mine, and we can both fit there nicely."

Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,"Okay, then how will you live?

You're not old enough to get a job.You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance,

Jenny makes five bucks a week snd I make 10 bucks a week.

That's about 60 bucks a month,so that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this.

"Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out.

I just have one more question.

What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,

"Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

Dad's Will

A man was telling his buddy. "You won't believe what happened last night.”

My daughter walked into the living room and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, Take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."

"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"

"Well, she didn't put it quite like that. She actually said,

Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We're going to work together on Hillary's election campaign!'"

Sent by Prakash Bhartia