A Memo from Microsoft

Besides making the best software, microsoft also has much foresight to discern what is good and what is bad for its staff.
Here are some Dos and Donts for their Hindi Speaking staff who have a rich vocabulary of expletives.
Sent by Keith Hayward

This is a memo to Indian staff.
This one is extremely funny. And what makes it funnier is
the fact that it is a REAL memo from Microsoft.
Every word here is quite intact and no word
has been altered.

'urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office'

MEMO TO INDIAN STAFF.

In view of the large number of Indians working in the USA,
UK and many other countries with White People, it has
become important for Human Resource Directors to issue
directives to their Indian staff.

To all Hindi-speaking staff - It has been brought to our
attention by several officials visiting our corporate
headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by
our Hindi-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to
violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to
both visitors and colleagues.

Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:

Words like 'CHUTIYA, GANDU' and other such expressions
will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion.

You will not say 'CHUTIYE AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO' when
someone makes a mistake, or 'MADAR

CHOD, BHENCHOD' when a major mistake has been made.

All forms derived from the verb 'CHOD' are inappropriate
in our environment.

No project manager, section head or administrator, under any
circumstances, will be referred to as 'GADDHA', or 'CHUTIYA'.

Lack of determination will not be referred to as KAAMCHOR SALA.

A persons who lack initiative should not be referred to
as 'AALSI BHOSADIKAA', or 'MADARCHOD'.

Do not say 'GAND FATI NA', if a colleague is going through
a difficult situation.

Furthermore, you must not say 'BHOSADE MEIN GAYA'
when matters become complicated.

When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say 'CHAL PHUTT'.

Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with
'BOL TERI KAISE GAND MARUU'?

When things get tough, an acceptable statement such as
'We are going through a difficult time' should be used,
rather than 'GOTI MUH MEIN HAI'.

Last, but not least, after reading this memo, please do not
say 'YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI'.
Just keep it clean and dispose it off properly.

We hope you will keep these directions in mind.

Sincerely,

Steve Rider
(Human Resources Director)
Microsoft Corporation Inc.