Pakistan declared new winner of Nobel Peace Prize

OSLO/ISLAMABAD: Pakistan was declared the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for 2012 for its efforts in ridding the world of Indians, Americans and Afghanistanis, refusing to arrest hardcore terrorists despite global pressure and giving shelter to the saintly Osama bin Laden.

There was widespread celebration all over the country after this announcement. "We're having a blast," said some peace-loving citizens armed with rocket launchers. Many others took a break from attacking embassies and planting landmines to join the revelry.

Pakistan has been the key to transforming Asia "from a continent of wars to a continent of peace," committee chairman Thorbjoern Jagland said while announcing the award in Oslo. "We specially laud its work to spread peace in the neighbourhood," he added.

The president of Pakistan Asif Ali Zardari is said to have welcomed the news. He was later heard asking some reporters if he would be entitled to 10% of the prize money. He the addressed a press conference and said: "We are the world's leading exporter of terrorists and taxi drivers. And now the world has recognized our talents."

In the midst of all these celebrations, a controversy has broken out. Officials of the Pak Taliban and al-Qaida have also demanded a share of the prize, claiming to have played a major role in putting Pakistan on the map of the world.

The leader of al-Qaida was interrupted while he was watching a pirated DVD of Rambo-III to be given the news of the prize. Sources said the elated leader reportedly jumped on a table and danced gangnam style, complete with pelvic thrusts after hearing the news.

Meanwhile, the Americans have praised the choice of award and decided to add to it by giving Pakistan another few billion dollars along with some F-16 jets and Apache attack helicopters. China too plans to continue to aid Pakistan's peace loving ways by providing military hardware.

Some Pakistani intellectuals (read ISI supporters) have demanded that the Nobel Committee also award Ajmal Kasab for having survived so many days in prison and for showing exemplary courage in demanding chicken biryani.

Meanwhile, the Indian government plans to solve the 26/11 Mumbai attacks case by holding more peace talks with Pakistan.

The above is from the Times of India.

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