Totally Offensive to Everyone

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.


A poor homeless man sat there and said, 'I've not eaten
for two days!' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'


I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name
two things commonly found in cells.
Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the correct answers.


A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time.
She said, 'sorry about the wait.'
I said, 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually. '


I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop, as
I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me
and said, 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope, you're still black'


Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was
expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance
with a face like that!


An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man asks, 'What is wrong?'
The boy says, 'me Ma is dead'. 'Oh bejaysus', the man says,
'Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you?'
The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last
thing on me mind at the moment.'


Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the
doctor away, but since all the doctors are now Muslim,
I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!


Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immense
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of
a woman with her mouth closed.


I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days
when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus

and think to yourself, 'I'm going to take that'.


Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks
down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him,

'Where am I?' The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts
back, "You're in that feckin basket."


I had a Trivia competition nailed until the last question,
which I got wrong. The question was,

'Where do women have the curliest hair?' The answer
I should have given was, Fiji!

Sent by Prakash Bhartia