Thursday, September 5, 2013

Smileys

World's Biggest Old Age Home with the Cheapest Canteen

The Only Place in India where the Food is cheap.

Tea- 1.00

Soup-5.50

Daal-1.50

Meals-2.00

Chapati-1.00

Chicken-24.50

Dosa-4.00

Biryani-8.00

Fish-13.00

These items are meant for Poor People and is available at Indian Parliament Canteen.

The Salary of those poor people is Rs.80,000/- per month ( Without Income Tax).

Please let your neighbours:. INKI GARIBI SABKO PATA TO CHALE !

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Second Opinion !

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit...' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... Size 44 long.

Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'

Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years.'

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'

Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'

The salesman said, 'Let's see... Size 36.

Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

New suit - $400

New shirt - $36

New underwear - $10

Second Opinion - PRICELESS

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A journalist, who was fed up with the economic announcements, decided for a change to ask views of PM Manmohan Singh on sports.

He asked “Dear PM, which game do you like”. PM replied “Cricket when played in India”.

Journalist further probed, which part of Cricket you like, I mean batting or bowling ?

Our great economist PM replied “No, No, I like the toss at the beginning of the match in India”.

Journalist was amused and asked “Why, only toss Sir”.

Manmohan smiled for the first time and said “Because it is the only time I see our Rupee going up !”.

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This is from an actual trial in the UK. A young Woman who was several months Pregnant was sitting in a Bus.......

When she noticed a young Man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her Seat and He seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more, She filed a Court case on him.

In the Court the Man's defence was:- When the Lady boarded the bus i couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon- The Unknown boon".. I was even more amused when she then sat under a Shaving advertisement, which read:- "William's stick did the trick".. Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:- "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"..

The case was dismissed. The judge fell off his chair laughing!!

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Wimbledon special~~

Roger Federer: "I know each and everything about tennis. Ask me anything and I will answer."

Sardar: "Ok... How many holes are there in the net?"

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Sent by Arun Shroff

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