Birth Pangs

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher ...

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids
myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own
second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few
sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and
usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles,
model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I
never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want
to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very
outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class
with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby
brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then
Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate
for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying
not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are
watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,
'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She
walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this
kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife .... She delivers babies, but she
doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom
to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back
against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there
in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the
bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little
hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,
breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then,
all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff
that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there
must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife
spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to
her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when
it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another
'Middle Wife' comes along.

Sent by Prakash Bhartia