Julie Andrews - Contd

Dear Radhe,

Though we always enjoy goodhearted banter, sometimes urban legends become so popular that they are taken for facts. Just last week I sent out the following after so many people kept sending me the julie Andrews thing, that I actually began to feel old!
Thanks for your posts.

Here is one for your boys:

A Little Poem Regarding Computer Spell Checkers...

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Sauce unknown

Regards
Ashok

URBAN LEGENDS1

Subject: Why English
Teachers Die Young

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit
their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found
in high school essays.

These excerpts are
published each year to the amusement of teachers.

Here are last year's
winners.....

1. Her face was a perfect
oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes
around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers
of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and
he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound
a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as
bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a
six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as
a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly
the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene
had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on
vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers
raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55
mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get
from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually
lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids
around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love.
When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were
a garbage truck backing up.

Comments: If most of these fractured bon mots seem too clever to have been accidentally conceived by high school
essayists, that's because they weren't. They were entries in a
long-running Washington Post contest launched in 1993 called
"The Syle Invitational. "
Among other literary challenges, readers have been invited to
compose intentionally humorous similes and metaphors, often c
entered around particular themes. Most of the examples above
were published in 1995 and 1999.

Parody of the song 'My Favorite Things' targeted to elderly
people was allegedly sung by Julie Andrews at an AARP benefit
on the singer's 69th birthday in October 2004.

Description: Poem parody
/ Email hoax

Circulating since: 2001 (or earlier)

Status: NOT performed by Julie Andrews

Fwd: Favorite Things

To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist
Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio
City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical
numbers she performed was "My Favourite Things" from the
legendary movie "Sound Of Music."
However, the lyrics of the song were deliberately changed
for the entertainment of her "blue hair" audience....

----------

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These area few of my favourite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
----------

Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that
lasted overfour minutes and repeated encores.

Analysis: This parody of Rodgers and Hammerstein' s "My Favorite Things" from the Broadway musical and screen
adapation of The Sound of Music was never sung by
Julie Andrews --indeed, it is quite possible she is not even
aware of its existence. The actress/singer turned 69 on
October 1, 2004, but she did not perform at Radio
City Music Hall that year, nor at any publicized benefit
for the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP).

Composed anonymously, the parody itself dates back to 2001
(at least), when variants popped up on the Internet
(example #1, example #2) prefaced with statements like
"Imagine hearing Julie Andrews singing this."

It appeared in a Dear Abby column dated March 10, 2002
accompanied by the claim that Andrews had altered the
lyrics herself and sang them at a concert for AARP,
though the column predated the alleged 69th birthday
performance by two years. "The rewritten lyrics
are a hoot," replied Abby, "but I doubt that Julie Andrews ever
warbled them."

More to the point, Andrews lost her singing voice after
undergoing throat surgery in 1997 and has rarely sung live in public since.

Ashok R. Mirchandani, Consul Gen. Hon.de l'Inde 081BP7100.COTONOU. BENIN. +229-21385220 , 21380724 http://www.consul. cc/consul. php/749/HCG- IN-BJ www.hicomindlagos. com

Well, it does make you feel deflated, doesn't it?
But it was a pleasure to watch the young children who had grown up to be handsome and beautiful.
Of course the pictures could also not be a joke.
You never know, with these computer playing tricks.
But thinking about it, more than 90% of the jokes puported to be the dialogues of famous personalities may not have been said at all. It may just have been the imagination of the joke composer who wanted to add the name of some famous personalities just to attract people.
Have you ever noticed the personalities in the joke change with
the persons reciting or listening to the jokes?
Like you will hear the same jokes and dialogues with situations
of Akbar/Birbal in Hindi and Gopal Bhanr and Raja
Krishnachandra in Bengali and Tenaliram in Tamil.
Or say GBS, Mark Twain or Winston Churchill or our own Sardar
Ballabh Singh or Santa and Banta are all interchangeable.
The scotsman, Irishman and Jewish jokes are interchangeable
with the Sardarji, Marwari and Bengali jokes,
Jokes have no barriers or language.
One famous jokester on hearing a very good joke from another jokester remarked,"Laurel, I wish I had said that"
Laurel replied, " You will,Bob, you will"

Now, in the above, I have just added the name of Bob and Laurel and given a personality to the joke. The personality of Laurel of Hardy fame and Bob Hope.
See, how simple, it is?