Red Skeleton

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humour was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re- run of great 'one liner's' from the man who was known for his clean humour.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE

FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2 . We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California , and mine is in Texa s ..

3 . I take my wife everywhere,

but she keeps finding her way back .

4 . I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested the kitchen .

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops .

6 . She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.

She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"

So I bought her an electric chair .

7 . My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was.

She told me, "In the lake ."

8 . She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off .

9 . She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"

The driver said, "No, jump in!" .

10 . Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce .

11 . I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was ' Always '.

12 . I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.

I don't like to interrupt her .

13 . The last fight was my fault though.

My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!" .

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it.

These were the good old days when humour didn't have to start with a four letter word.

It was just clean and simple fun .

And he always ended his programs with the words ,

" And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face .

Valerie Mishra