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AL QUAEDA ON STRIKE


Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Quaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Quaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs or B.O.O.M., responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his garden shed in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Quaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathise with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. We realise that young people are our future, and today's youth blow up so quickly.

"And thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up this year."

Spokesmen for the union in the North East of England, Liverpool, Ireland, Wales, New Zealand, Australia and Canada, stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "...there are no virgins in these areas anyway".

The Scottish Al Qaeda spokesman said they had not had any suicide volunteers since the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Scottish Muslims know what a virgin looks like they are not at all keen on going to paradise.

The BAD Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend
to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY AMERICAN THANKSGIVING


Both the above have been sent by Prakash Bhartia