'What I owe my Mother',
was sent to me by a Friend.
SMILE
Matt
WHAT I OWE MY MOTHER:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'
2 My mother taught me RELIGION ..
'You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.'
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'
4. My mother taught me LOGIC ..
' Because I said so, that's why.'
5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC ...
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
7 My mother taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about.'
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
'You'll sit there until all that SOUP is gone.'
11. My mother taught me about METEOROLOGY
'This room of yours looks as if a cyclone went through it.'
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
'I brought you into this world and I can take you out.'
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do..'
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.'
19. My mother taught me ESP ..
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR ..
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me..'
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a cave?'
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'
25. And my favourite:
My mother taught me about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you '
The above is to bring that smile.
The following is what a mother actually is.
Both have been sent by Sir, Mr Lobo.
Just shows he can be both a friend and a guide.
"M" is for the million things she gave me,
"O" means only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her heart of purest gold;
"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,
"R" means right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER,"
A word that means the world to me.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
All India Schools Reunion, Perth 27-9-2010
Chris Bell and Iian Stanley
Chris Bell and Janet Sprigge
Group photo
James Jeir
Janet,Chris,Roger, Sir, Mr Lobo,Myrna.
Jimmy
Jimmy Keirand Blair Williams.
Jimmy and Roger Storey
Jimmy,Janet,Chris,Roger,Sir, Mr. Lobo,Myrna
Jimmy,Myrna and Sir, Mr. Lobo
Sir, Mr Lobo and Brian Sweeney
Sir, Mr. Lobo and Jimmy
Sir, Mr. Lobo and Myrna
Sir. Mr Lobo, Tony Gasper,Brian Sweeney,Pat O'hallaranand Roger Storey at VIII Anglo-Indian Reunion
Sir. Mr. Lobo, Blair and Ellen Williams
Myrna and Sir, Mr. Lobo
Nelson Flavien and Jimmy
Owen Thorpe and Peter Lardner
Roger Delima
Roger StoreyThe above photographs have been sent by Keith Hayward and Sir, Mr. Lobo.
Its great to see all our idols of yesteryears.
Computer Science professor Randy Pausch.
This is amazing, he died of pancreatic cancer in 2008,
but wrote a book ‘The last lecture” before then, one of the best-sellers in 2007. What a legacy to leave behind…
In a letter to his wife Jai and his children, Dylan, Logan, and Chloe, he wrote this beautiful "guide to a better life" for his wife and children to follow.
May you be blessed by his insight.
POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE
Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don't over do; keep your limits
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Community:
15. Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17. Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20. What other people think of you is none of your business
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.
While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with,
people you play with, people you work with and people you live with.
Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you.
This was sent by U Banerjee, North Point.
I wonder whether there is a lesson in this for us Goethal Alumini, Kolkata.
but wrote a book ‘The last lecture” before then, one of the best-sellers in 2007. What a legacy to leave behind…
In a letter to his wife Jai and his children, Dylan, Logan, and Chloe, he wrote this beautiful "guide to a better life" for his wife and children to follow.
May you be blessed by his insight.
POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE
Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don't over do; keep your limits
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Community:
15. Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17. Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20. What other people think of you is none of your business
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.
While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with,
people you play with, people you work with and people you live with.
Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you.
This was sent by U Banerjee, North Point.
I wonder whether there is a lesson in this for us Goethal Alumini, Kolkata.
AL QUAEDA ON STRIKE
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Quaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Quaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs or B.O.O.M., responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his garden shed in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Quaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathise with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. We realise that young people are our future, and today's youth blow up so quickly.
"And thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up this year."
Spokesmen for the union in the North East of England, Liverpool, Ireland, Wales, New Zealand, Australia and Canada, stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "...there are no virgins in these areas anyway".
The Scottish Al Qaeda spokesman said they had not had any suicide volunteers since the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Scottish Muslims know what a virgin looks like they are not at all keen on going to paradise.
The BAD Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend
to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"
HAPPY AMERICAN THANKSGIVING
Both the above have been sent by Prakash Bhartia
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Quaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Quaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs or B.O.O.M., responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his garden shed in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Quaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathise with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. We realise that young people are our future, and today's youth blow up so quickly.
"And thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up this year."
Spokesmen for the union in the North East of England, Liverpool, Ireland, Wales, New Zealand, Australia and Canada, stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "...there are no virgins in these areas anyway".
The Scottish Al Qaeda spokesman said they had not had any suicide volunteers since the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Scottish Muslims know what a virgin looks like they are not at all keen on going to paradise.
The BAD Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend
to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"
HAPPY AMERICAN THANKSGIVING
Both the above have been sent by Prakash Bhartia
Subject : Installing Love
This is one programme which should installed by everyone, laymen and computer bluffs.
Sent by a colleague, Pradeep Nahata
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well , after much consideration, I've decided to install Love.
Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not running on internal components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before We hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
Sent by a colleague, Pradeep Nahata
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well , after much consideration, I've decided to install Love.
Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not running on internal components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before We hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
Friday, November 26, 2010
CBI fails to name Kalmadi in FIR
New Delhi, Nov.25 (ANI): The Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) today failed to name Commonwealth Games Organising Committee chairman Suresh Kalmadi in its FIR despite having evidence against UK-based firm AM Films.
The three close aides of Kalmadi - T S Darbari, Sanjay Mahendroo and M Jayachandran are the only persons named in the FIR, a Times Now report has said.
Earlier on Monday, Delhi court remanded T S Darbari, Sanjay Mahendroo and M Jayachandran to three days Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) custody in connection with the alleged irregularities in the Queen's Baton Relay (QBR) event in London last year.
While Darbari and Mahendroo have been in CBI custody since their arrest on the November 15, Jayachandran was arrested on the November 20
The investigating agency produced the three before Special CBI Judge A S Yadav.
The CBI, while pleading for further remand of seven days for Darbari and Mahendroo, submitted that they are not cooperating with the investigation and they are not forthcoming in their replies to the queries posed by it.
Both are already facing charges of violation of Foreign Exchange Management Act (FEMA) and have been questioned by Enforcement Directorate. (ANI)
The above just proves what I have always been shouting that "the CBI is the pet poodle of the Central government".
So much for our Zero Tolerance PM and Sonia's claim of having zero tolerance towards corruption.
An FIR has not even been launched against the main culprit in the CWG scam.
The three close aides of Kalmadi - T S Darbari, Sanjay Mahendroo and M Jayachandran are the only persons named in the FIR, a Times Now report has said.
Earlier on Monday, Delhi court remanded T S Darbari, Sanjay Mahendroo and M Jayachandran to three days Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) custody in connection with the alleged irregularities in the Queen's Baton Relay (QBR) event in London last year.
While Darbari and Mahendroo have been in CBI custody since their arrest on the November 15, Jayachandran was arrested on the November 20
The investigating agency produced the three before Special CBI Judge A S Yadav.
The CBI, while pleading for further remand of seven days for Darbari and Mahendroo, submitted that they are not cooperating with the investigation and they are not forthcoming in their replies to the queries posed by it.
Both are already facing charges of violation of Foreign Exchange Management Act (FEMA) and have been questioned by Enforcement Directorate. (ANI)
The above just proves what I have always been shouting that "the CBI is the pet poodle of the Central government".
So much for our Zero Tolerance PM and Sonia's claim of having zero tolerance towards corruption.
An FIR has not even been launched against the main culprit in the CWG scam.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Nitish Talks
All our readers must be aware that I am a great fan of Nitish Kumar.
The recent assembly elections show that the whole of Bihar have the same feelings and have given him a two-thirds majority in the assembly.
As is usual an interview was published in the Telegraph.
One item I liked in the interview is given below.
I just hope he enacts the law and it is followed by all the other states and the Central Government.
Q: Your priorities now?
A: Essentially, to continue the work we have been doing. Governance is a 24/7 thing, it must go on and governance is not about occupying office, it is a whole spectrum of things.
Q: Specifically?
A: An anti-corruption law — a zero-tolerance legislation. I want to empower the state to seize the personal properties and assets of those found guilty of corruption. That signal needs to go out strongly. We have seen caste arithmetic being neutralised, we want to deal strongly with corruption.
The recent assembly elections show that the whole of Bihar have the same feelings and have given him a two-thirds majority in the assembly.
As is usual an interview was published in the Telegraph.
One item I liked in the interview is given below.
I just hope he enacts the law and it is followed by all the other states and the Central Government.
Q: Your priorities now?
A: Essentially, to continue the work we have been doing. Governance is a 24/7 thing, it must go on and governance is not about occupying office, it is a whole spectrum of things.
Q: Specifically?
A: An anti-corruption law — a zero-tolerance legislation. I want to empower the state to seize the personal properties and assets of those found guilty of corruption. That signal needs to go out strongly. We have seen caste arithmetic being neutralised, we want to deal strongly with corruption.
Right Attitude
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and
noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.'
So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two
hairs on her head.
'H-M-M,' she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.'
So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only
one hair on her head.
'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail. '
So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't
a single hair on her head.
'YAY!' she exclaimed. 'I don't have to fix my hair today!'
Attitude is everything.
Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly.......
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Sent by Sir, Mr. Lobo.
Something about seeing the doughnut or the hole
or
a glass being half empty or half full
noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.'
So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two
hairs on her head.
'H-M-M,' she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.'
So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only
one hair on her head.
'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail. '
So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't
a single hair on her head.
'YAY!' she exclaimed. 'I don't have to fix my hair today!'
Attitude is everything.
Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly.......
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Sent by Sir, Mr. Lobo.
Something about seeing the doughnut or the hole
or
a glass being half empty or half full
Short Neurological Test
Short Neurological Test
1- Find the C below.. Please do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.
Congratulations!
This is weird, but interesting!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too
Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Sent by Anand Raheja
1- Find the C below.. Please do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.
Congratulations!
This is weird, but interesting!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too
Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Sent by Anand Raheja
The Haircut
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS
NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN
AND
FOR THE SAME REASON!
Sent by Desmond
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS
NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN
AND
FOR THE SAME REASON!
Sent by Desmond
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Be focussed
One day ..an expert in 'time management'.. was speaking to a group of business students
..and to drive home a point,.... used an illustration those students will never forget.
As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said,
"Okay, time for a quiz," and he pulled out a one gallon wide mouth mason jar and set it on the table in front of him.
......He also produced abouta dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside,
he asked, ....."Is this jar full?"
Everyone in the class yelled, .."Yes."
....” Really?"...he retorted, and reached under the table.. and pulled out a bucket of gravel.
He dumped some of the gravel in and shook the jar causing the pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.
He then asked the class once more.... if the jar was full.
By this time the class was on to him and said... "Probably not."
"Good" he replied..reached under the table, brought out a bucket of sand,started dumping it into the jar.
The sand went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel.
Once more he asked .............if ...the jar was full.
"NO!" .........the class shouted.
"Good" ..he acknowledged..grabbed a pitcher of water,began to pour it into the jar-until the jar was filled to the brim.
Then he looked around the room and asked,
......."What is the point of this illustration?"
One eager beaver raised his hand and said,..
.."The point is that no matter how full your schedule is, ..
...........if you try really hard you can always fit some more in."
"NO," ......... "that's not the point. The truth is that.. this illustration teaches us that..
...if you don't put the 'big rocks' in first, ....you'll never get them in at all."
What are the 'big rocks' in your life? ....Here are a few,..
..time with our loved ones,... your faith, ...your education,
your dreams,.. and a worthy cause,.. teaching or mentoring others.
Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first, or you'll never get them in at all.
Hence.. ALWAYS.. ask yourself this question:
...What are the BIG ROCKS in my life?
Then, put those in your jar first."
Sent by Arun Shroff
..and to drive home a point,.... used an illustration those students will never forget.
As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said,
"Okay, time for a quiz," and he pulled out a one gallon wide mouth mason jar and set it on the table in front of him.
......He also produced abouta dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside,
he asked, ....."Is this jar full?"
Everyone in the class yelled, .."Yes."
....” Really?"...he retorted, and reached under the table.. and pulled out a bucket of gravel.
He dumped some of the gravel in and shook the jar causing the pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.
He then asked the class once more.... if the jar was full.
By this time the class was on to him and said... "Probably not."
"Good" he replied..reached under the table, brought out a bucket of sand,started dumping it into the jar.
The sand went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel.
Once more he asked .............if ...the jar was full.
"NO!" .........the class shouted.
"Good" ..he acknowledged..grabbed a pitcher of water,began to pour it into the jar-until the jar was filled to the brim.
Then he looked around the room and asked,
......."What is the point of this illustration?"
One eager beaver raised his hand and said,..
.."The point is that no matter how full your schedule is, ..
...........if you try really hard you can always fit some more in."
"NO," ......... "that's not the point. The truth is that.. this illustration teaches us that..
...if you don't put the 'big rocks' in first, ....you'll never get them in at all."
What are the 'big rocks' in your life? ....Here are a few,..
..time with our loved ones,... your faith, ...your education,
your dreams,.. and a worthy cause,.. teaching or mentoring others.
Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first, or you'll never get them in at all.
Hence.. ALWAYS.. ask yourself this question:
...What are the BIG ROCKS in my life?
Then, put those in your jar first."
Sent by Arun Shroff
Monday, November 15, 2010
MOSHE IN THE BAR
Moshe is sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large,
trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and
gulps it down in one swig, then menacingly says, "Thanks, Jew
Boy, whatcha gonna to do about it?"
Moshe burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I
can't stand to see a man crying. What's your problem?"
"This is the worst day of my life," Moshe says. "I'm a
complete failure. I was late to a meeting, and my boss fired
me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been
stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the
cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the postman,
and then my dog bit me.
"So I come to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to
it all. I buy a drink; drop a capsule in, and sit here watching
the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole
thing! But enough about me; how's your day going?"
The Jewish Farmer
A Jewish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
A stranger is seen kneeling and drinking water from his pond usining his left hand.
The farmer shouts:
'Trink nisht das vasser. Die kihen haben gesheissen dahin.'
('Don't drink the water, the cows have crapped in it.')
The man shouts back:
'I'm a Muslim, you idiot. I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English!'
The farmer says:
'It's vould be much easieh if you use bote de hands!!'
Sent by Prakash Bhartia
The Jews have the knack of speaking their minds.
Have a nice day!!
trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and
gulps it down in one swig, then menacingly says, "Thanks, Jew
Boy, whatcha gonna to do about it?"
Moshe burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I
can't stand to see a man crying. What's your problem?"
"This is the worst day of my life," Moshe says. "I'm a
complete failure. I was late to a meeting, and my boss fired
me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been
stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the
cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the postman,
and then my dog bit me.
"So I come to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to
it all. I buy a drink; drop a capsule in, and sit here watching
the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole
thing! But enough about me; how's your day going?"
The Jewish Farmer
A Jewish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
A stranger is seen kneeling and drinking water from his pond usining his left hand.
The farmer shouts:
'Trink nisht das vasser. Die kihen haben gesheissen dahin.'
('Don't drink the water, the cows have crapped in it.')
The man shouts back:
'I'm a Muslim, you idiot. I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English!'
The farmer says:
'It's vould be much easieh if you use bote de hands!!'
Sent by Prakash Bhartia
The Jews have the knack of speaking their minds.
Have a nice day!!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Love thy Neighbour?
BLOODY NEIGHBOURS!
A proposed council tax-evaluation policy will mean reassessment of current house values; which will mean you will be charged more if you live in a nice area.
That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.
There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leads. Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing. To the best of my knowledge, she has never worked in her life.
Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for his racist comments. A shopkeeper blamed him for arranging the murder of his son and his son's girl-friend, but nothing has ever been proved.
All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.
Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs. It is not known if they have the same father. They are both out of control.
I hate living near Windsor Castle.....................
Sent by Sir, Mr. Lobo.
A proposed council tax-evaluation policy will mean reassessment of current house values; which will mean you will be charged more if you live in a nice area.
That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.
There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leads. Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing. To the best of my knowledge, she has never worked in her life.
Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for his racist comments. A shopkeeper blamed him for arranging the murder of his son and his son's girl-friend, but nothing has ever been proved.
All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.
Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs. It is not known if they have the same father. They are both out of control.
I hate living near Windsor Castle.....................
Sent by Sir, Mr. Lobo.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Lawyers and Clients
A must read for all those in the legal profession and also for those who would want to engage a legal practitioner for some intelligent and serious assignment.
I do hope that these are not entirely true as many of my friends in the legal profession would so prove. So Cheers!!!
Pradeep Mohan
PS: I am sending this to all my friends, both lawyers and others. Have a big laugh everyone.
Brilliant Lawyer's Questions and Arguments
Things people have actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
I do hope that these are not entirely true as many of my friends in the legal profession would so prove. So Cheers!!!
Pradeep Mohan
PS: I am sending this to all my friends, both lawyers and others. Have a big laugh everyone.
Brilliant Lawyer's Questions and Arguments
Things people have actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Mera Bharat Mahaan
We live in a nation
• Where Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance & police,
• Where you get car loan @ 5% and education loan @ 12%,
• Where rice is Rs 40/- per kg but sim card is free,
• Where a millionaire can buy a cricket team instead of donating the money to any charity,
• Where the footwear, we wear, are sold in AC showrooms, but vegetables, that we eat, are sold on the footpath,
• Where everybody wants to be famous but nobody wants to follow the path to be famous,
• Where we make lemon juices with artificial flavours and dish wash liquids with real lemon.
• Where people are standing at tea stalls reading an article about child labor from a newspaper and say, "yaar bachhonse kaam karvane wale ko to phansi par chadha dena chahiye" and then they shout "Oye chhotu 2 chaii laao....."
Sent by U Banerjee, N P
• Where Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance & police,
• Where you get car loan @ 5% and education loan @ 12%,
• Where rice is Rs 40/- per kg but sim card is free,
• Where a millionaire can buy a cricket team instead of donating the money to any charity,
• Where the footwear, we wear, are sold in AC showrooms, but vegetables, that we eat, are sold on the footpath,
• Where everybody wants to be famous but nobody wants to follow the path to be famous,
• Where we make lemon juices with artificial flavours and dish wash liquids with real lemon.
• Where people are standing at tea stalls reading an article about child labor from a newspaper and say, "yaar bachhonse kaam karvane wale ko to phansi par chadha dena chahiye" and then they shout "Oye chhotu 2 chaii laao....."
Sent by U Banerjee, N P
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
A reunion in Torronto
Radhes,
Willy Wu (1971) is an active GMS alumni in Toronto who does a great job organising functions to bring together Goethalites and their Families.
Matt
Would you please post this on your site, it may encourage others to follow suit with old and new shots of themselves.
JOLA & FRANK MACEDO (1959)
JEFFRY (1968) & SUE DESSA
DAVID LaFRENAIS (1945) sitting across is STEVE C S PAN
IRENE & RALPH REEVES (1968)
SUZIE & WILLY WU (1971)
l to r
WILLY WU, JEFFREY DESSA, SUE DESSA, IRENE REEVES, RALPH REEVES, SUE WU
WILLY WU, JEFFRY DESSA, STEVE C S PAN
Willy Wu (1971) is an active GMS alumni in Toronto who does a great job organising functions to bring together Goethalites and their Families.
Matt
Would you please post this on your site, it may encourage others to follow suit with old and new shots of themselves.
JOLA & FRANK MACEDO (1959)JEFFRY (1968) & SUE DESSA
DAVID LaFRENAIS (1945) sitting across is STEVE C S PAN
IRENE & RALPH REEVES (1968)
SUZIE & WILLY WU (1971)
l to rWILLY WU, JEFFREY DESSA, SUE DESSA, IRENE REEVES, RALPH REEVES, SUE WU
WILLY WU, JEFFRY DESSA, STEVE C S PAN
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Catty Stories
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN
ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS
SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS
TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY
CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M
GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS
THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE
BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN
ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO
EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY
SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M
GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD
HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST
THIS BLONDE WOMAN, WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR,
AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES
BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND
ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT
ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO ".
The above is from Pradeep Mohan
The Four Cats
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer, The second man was an Accountant, The third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Spread sheet, do your stuff."
Spread sheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.
He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured Exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said,
"Coffee Break, do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet,
Ate the cookies, Drank the milk, Sh*t on the paper,
Screwed the other three cats.
Claimed he injured his back while doing so.
Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions
Put in for Workers Compensation and Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!
The above is from John Kingsley
I'll tell you a secret.
We are all idealistic in our younger days and want to change the world.
When I passed out of college I did not want to join government service as I was aware people there did no work and were most corrupt.
But after changing jobs five times because of companies shutting down I often felt I had made a mistake in not applying for government jobs.
After my last stint in a private organisation wherein I had built up a rapport with the owners, they have retained me even after my retirement.
Now I fell, I may not have made a mistake, after all.
ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS
SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS
TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY
CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M
GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS
THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE
BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN
ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO
EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY
SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M
GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD
HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST
THIS BLONDE WOMAN, WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR,
AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES
BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND
ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT
ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO ".
The above is from Pradeep Mohan
The Four Cats
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer, The second man was an Accountant, The third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Spread sheet, do your stuff."
Spread sheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.
He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured Exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said,
"Coffee Break, do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet,
Ate the cookies, Drank the milk, Sh*t on the paper,
Screwed the other three cats.
Claimed he injured his back while doing so.
Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions
Put in for Workers Compensation and Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!
The above is from John Kingsley
I'll tell you a secret.
We are all idealistic in our younger days and want to change the world.
When I passed out of college I did not want to join government service as I was aware people there did no work and were most corrupt.
But after changing jobs five times because of companies shutting down I often felt I had made a mistake in not applying for government jobs.
After my last stint in a private organisation wherein I had built up a rapport with the owners, they have retained me even after my retirement.
Now I fell, I may not have made a mistake, after all.
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