In today's newspaper the CM says that Mumbai is not equipped to tackle terror. Our future PM says blatantly that not all terrorist attacks can be stopped.
Which basically means we are fucked and left to fend for ourselves !
However today morning while I was scanning the FM channels I think I stumbled upon a channel which picked up some chatter from somewhere in POK (Pakistan occupied Kashmir).
Here are the excerpts of this conversation :
Chacha-jaan (CJ) : Welcome Bhai-jaan (BJ), welcome back from a succesful Mumbai blast. We scared them..hurrah ! (in the background there are gunshots being fired in the air).
BJ : Ghanta CJ ! Balls we scared them ..No effect at all. Next day it was all back to normal.As if nothing happened !
CJ : Then next month you go back again and plant some more bombs.
BJ : No dude..I am not going back.
CJ : Why ?
BJ : No challenge.I just walk in- bomb the place- walk out, Its so easy and I am bored. I have been in the business for many years, took so much training, slept with you stinky bastards, every night I think of those 72 whores waiting for me in heaven..I also need the adrenaline, some excitement . Every time same bloody Zaveri Bazaar, same same locations..I am sick and tired of Mumbai.
CJ : Relax baccha, today I heard they will beef up security, install 5000 cameras , update the NSG..I promise next time will be fun.
BJ : CJ you are a chut to believe all this. this will never happen..Its been years after those hotel attacks..anything happened ?? Balls, I am not going back..period.
CJ : OK, lets forget South Mumbai for a while, lets look at other areas of Mumbai.
(They open a map of Mumbai on a table and look at it)
CJ: Peddar Road ?
BJ : Too close to the US Consulate..they will fucking send big missiles up our ass..
CJ: Yeah agreed..we fucked them once..thats enough..what about Worli ?
BJ: No no, Worli is one big mess now.. Upper, lower, east, west Worli ..I get confused there..full fucking area is called Worli now ..dont know where it starts and where it ends..We will never get to co-ordinate anything from there.
CJ : Dadar again ?
BJ: Are you fucking insane..do you lavdoos have a Dadar Fetish ..Thrice we tried blowing it.. all of them now know me on first name basis there.
CJ: Mahim ?
BJ : Are you nuts ? Firstly the stink will kill me and secondly on a Wednesday ??...no way ..Cant move your arm or leg there thanks to the novena there..I will fucking be the first to come under a stampede.
CJ : Ok Bandra then ??
BJ : Bose DK , last time I went to Bandra to do a recce, I was hungry so went to a new place called Hakkasan for dinner..They fucking took my money, wallet, my mobile with my timer, my explosives, my dry fruits, everything..they stripped me ..i am not stepping close to Bandra now.
CJ : Ok its Khar then ! Final !
BJ : Khar??..are you frickin crazy..you dont remember what happened to our other Bhai-jaan last time..He was fixing a bomb on his scooter in Khar..he went to take a leak and when he was back, everything was stolen by the Sindhis there , only the Scooter stand was remaining..they even took the wires (both red and black).
CJ : Oh fuck.yes...lets move on..Santacruz ??
BJ : Sorry I may be a terrorist and frustrated but I am not gay..Santacruz has a fuckin 'PINK' foot over bridge ..Sorry kill me now but i dont enter gay territory ! No !
CJ : Juhu beach then ? Always crowded and we will get a lot of mileage..Its the Bollywood hub !
BJ : CJ the problem with you is that you have been stuck in this POK for way too long..Have you seen Juhu Beach ?? Before I walk 10 metres there, either the fuckin plastic will devour me or Amitabh Bachchan's continous tweets will kill me..
CJ : OK last stop - Versova ?
BJ : Dude..no need to kill Versova citizens..Their own bloody never ending Metro will kill them either by the delay or by the pollution..No point !
CJ : Yeah dude..now I see what you getting at..Mumbai is too easy and they have enough of their problems ..I get your point..lets forget Mumbai.(they tear the map)...how about we go to Delhi and kill their entire fucking Cabinet ??
BJ : Sorry dude..firstly I dont do pigs...secondly..the Indians will only be too happy..We are here to terrorize them..not to solve their problems and make them happy..
So now friends..you can be safe and relax..no-one is attacking Mumbai...
Sent by Prakash Bhartia
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