By: Shovon Chowdhury

What are the lessons we learn from the Salman Khan case? One thing we don’t learn is how they got the case postponed from 2003 to 2013. This is a massive media failure. This information would have been very useful, but no one is telling us.

The Indian Penal Code is full of sections, and all of us are in constant danger of breaking the law. Very often, these things happen inadvertently. Sentiments get hurt. Curfews get violated. You insult Marathi cuisine. They find beef in your tiffin carrier. Your scooter breaks down and you obstruct a VIP. Not that you would be riding a scooter (you read ET).

The point is, there are so many pitfalls, legally speaking. It’s only a matter of time before pretty much all of us get arrested. This was the original intention of the Indian Penal Code of 1861: to ensure long-lasting suppression of the natives, after their unfortunate and rebellious behaviour in 1857. Through our behaviour, we established an indisputable fact. Each and every one of us has criminal tendencies. We need strong laws, and lots of them.

When they do come to take you away, you will curse the media for their inefficiency. “How did Salman do it?” you will wonder, “And how come ET never told me anything, even though I spend my hard-earned money on them on a daily basis?”

We never learnt from this case who convinced Salman’s driver to commit perjury. And since no one is investigating this, we never will. We will never learn the circumstances behind the mysterious death of a witness. This is because it was God’s will. When it’s time for a witness to go, he just has to go.

The risks of being human: The late Ravindra Patil, Khan’s police bodyguard

In this case, the witness, Constable Ravindra Patil, went slowly. First he was listed as ‘missing’. Then he was listed as ‘absconding’. After this’ he was put in jail, sacked and reduced to begging on the streets. Throughout, he refused to change his statement.

Eventually, he died of what appears to have been starvation. Or tuberculosis, depending on your source of news, not to mention opinions. His last words were, reportedly, “I want to meet the police commissioner once.” Why would he want to do this? This is yet another mystery to which we will never know the answer.

We also never learnt who was responsible for all the files mysteriously disappearing from the police station. This is because the culprits were possibly policemen, who are too busy investigating us to investigate themselves, and no one else is allowed to investigate them.

Even when they do, their strike rate is poor. Delhi Police has been investigating itself for corruption, for example. On the basis of calls to a helpline in the last four months, seven cases have been filed, at an average rate of 1.75 policemen per month. From this, we can conclude that such an investigation is not really required.

We did learn how much money was riding on Salman Khan, though. It was somewhere between .`200 crore and .`600 crore. Thinking that he might be going to jail, well-muscled middle-aged men across the country felt the sharp pang of hope, and started practising their dance moves.

But while we do not want to jeopardise the income of hardworking dance instructors, they should probably give up. That money will keep riding on him until the case reaches the Supreme Court, in another couple of decades. By which time, he would have finally turned 50.

Meanwhile, we have learnt that the possibility that you may have run over five people is good for your career. We have loved this man, despite the blood on his wheels, and the unpleasant fate of Constable Ravindra Patil. His colleagues loved him too, which is why so many of them have blamed the poor people for sleeping on the road, instead of in penthouses, like normal people.

But the main thing we don’t know is the identity of the victims. Their pictures were not tweeted. We did not light candles. No human interest stories were done on TV. Maybe Salman was right, in the end. There’s one simple thing we need to do, one giant step for mankind, one ring to rule us all. We need to learn about being human.

The above was published in ET