EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.
'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain..'
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.
'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
'Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?'
'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'
God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless Tit?'
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
A quick retort
Many a times we kick our selves after an argument that we should have said this or that.
Fortunate are those who can make a clever retort.
It is very difficult to have the last word in an argument with your wife unless you agree to say "Yes Darling"
Here are some clever retorts sent by Prakash Bhartia
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
Fortunate are those who can make a clever retort.
It is very difficult to have the last word in an argument with your wife unless you agree to say "Yes Darling"
Here are some clever retorts sent by Prakash Bhartia
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
A proud Jewish Mother
First Jewish Woman President
The year is 2016 and the United States has elected a woman, Susan Goldfarb, as the first Jewish president.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, 'So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'
I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.'
Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'
I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I wear?'
Oh Mom,' replies Susan, 'I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in New York .'
Honey,' Mom complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.'
The President-elect responds, 'Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way. Mom, I really want you to come.'
So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her. 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States??' The Senator whispers back, 'Yes I do.'
Mom says proudly, 'Her brother is a doctor.'
Sent by Prakash Bhartia
The year is 2016 and the United States has elected a woman, Susan Goldfarb, as the first Jewish president.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, 'So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'
I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.'
Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'
I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I wear?'
Oh Mom,' replies Susan, 'I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in New York .'
Honey,' Mom complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.'
The President-elect responds, 'Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way. Mom, I really want you to come.'
So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her. 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States??' The Senator whispers back, 'Yes I do.'
Mom says proudly, 'Her brother is a doctor.'
Sent by Prakash Bhartia
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Some Miserly Jokes
Miser : How do you sell these bananas?
Shopkeeper : Rs 1/- each.
Miser : Will you sell for 60 paisa each.
Shopkeeper: With 60 paisa you will get only the banana peel.
Miser : Here, take 40 paisa. Keep the peel, give me the banana.
A miser was on his deAthbed.
Miser :My wife, where are you?
Wife: Yes, I am here.
Miser :My sons and daughters, are you all here?
Yes Papa.
Miser: Then why is the fan still running in the other room?
A miser gave his blood to an Arab Sheikh and saved his life.
The Sheikh gifed him a Mercedes car.
The sheikh had need for blood a second time..
The miser willingly donated his blood again.
The sheikh gifted him a big packet of sweets.
The miser angrily asked why he was not given a mercedes this time.
The sheikh smiled and replied that now he too had a miser's blood in him.
A miser called up a newspaper office and asked, " my father is dead, what are your charges for insertion of an obitury?"
Newspaper: Rs 50/- per word.
Miser: "Very godd. Write "Sohan Singh dead".
Nespaper: "Sorry sir. It should have minimu of 6 words."
Miser: "Let me think..... OK, write "Sohan Singh dead - Suzuki for sale"
Miser to Shopkeeper: Give me a toothbrush, My brush has lost a bristle.
Shopkeeper: Why are you buying a new one if the brush has lost only 1 bristle.
Miser: It was the last bristle on the brush.
A miser was sinking with the Titanic, yet he was smiling.
Friend: Why are you smiling?
Miser:I am smiling because I did not buy the return ticket.
Sent by Prakash Bhartia
Shopkeeper : Rs 1/- each.
Miser : Will you sell for 60 paisa each.
Shopkeeper: With 60 paisa you will get only the banana peel.
Miser : Here, take 40 paisa. Keep the peel, give me the banana.
A miser was on his deAthbed.
Miser :My wife, where are you?
Wife: Yes, I am here.
Miser :My sons and daughters, are you all here?
Yes Papa.
Miser: Then why is the fan still running in the other room?
A miser gave his blood to an Arab Sheikh and saved his life.
The Sheikh gifed him a Mercedes car.
The sheikh had need for blood a second time..
The miser willingly donated his blood again.
The sheikh gifted him a big packet of sweets.
The miser angrily asked why he was not given a mercedes this time.
The sheikh smiled and replied that now he too had a miser's blood in him.
A miser called up a newspaper office and asked, " my father is dead, what are your charges for insertion of an obitury?"
Newspaper: Rs 50/- per word.
Miser: "Very godd. Write "Sohan Singh dead".
Nespaper: "Sorry sir. It should have minimu of 6 words."
Miser: "Let me think..... OK, write "Sohan Singh dead - Suzuki for sale"
Miser to Shopkeeper: Give me a toothbrush, My brush has lost a bristle.
Shopkeeper: Why are you buying a new one if the brush has lost only 1 bristle.
Miser: It was the last bristle on the brush.
A miser was sinking with the Titanic, yet he was smiling.
Friend: Why are you smiling?
Miser:I am smiling because I did not buy the return ticket.
Sent by Prakash Bhartia
A woman's brain analysed
What is the first thing that WOMEN do after a bad car accident?
Turn off the ignition?
NO
Get away from the car in case it explodes?
NO
Call 100 on her cell phone?
NO
Call ambulance??????
CERTAINLY NOT
YES, YOU SAW IT, SHE COMBS HER HAIR & FOCUSES ON HER LOOKS AS USUAL...
Sent by Prakash Bhartia
Turn off the ignition?
NO
Get away from the car in case it explodes?
NO
Call 100 on her cell phone?
NO
Call ambulance??????
CERTAINLY NOT
YES, YOU SAW IT, SHE COMBS HER HAIR & FOCUSES ON HER LOOKS AS USUAL...
Sent by Prakash Bhartia
Thursday, March 10, 2011
MAGNETIC NORTH POLE SHIFT
AS MAGNETIC NORTH POLE SHIFTS, BRACE FOR CHAOS
Guy Adams in Times of India, 07 / 03 / 2011
It sounds unlikely but true. The magnetic north pole is moving faster than at any time in human history, threatening everything from the safety of modern transport system to the traditional navigation routes of migrating animals.
Scientists say that magnetic north, which for two centuries has been in the icy wilderness of Canada, is currently relocating towards Russia at the rate of about 65 Kms per year. The speed of its movement has increased by a third in the past decade, prompting speculation that the field could be about to ‘flip’, causing compasses to invert and point south rather than north, something what happens between three and seven times every million years.
Already the phenomenon is causing problems in the field of aviation. Tampa International Airport in Florida has just spent a month renaming its three runaways, which in common with those at most US airports are identified using numbers that correspond to the direction in degrees, that they face on a compass. “Everything had to be changed; it was a huge project”. Brenda Geoghagan, a spokesman for the airport, said.
The current rate of magnetic north’s movement away from Canada’s Ellesmere Island is throwing out compasses by one degree every five years, prompting the Federal Aviation Administration to re-evaluate runaway names every five years.
The speed of relocation of the magnetic north pole increased significantly from about 1989, posdsibly because of a ‘pume’ of magnetic deep below the ground. The pole is now believed to be heading towards Siberia at the rate of about 65 Kms per year
Guy Adams in Times of India, 07 / 03 / 2011
It sounds unlikely but true. The magnetic north pole is moving faster than at any time in human history, threatening everything from the safety of modern transport system to the traditional navigation routes of migrating animals.
Scientists say that magnetic north, which for two centuries has been in the icy wilderness of Canada, is currently relocating towards Russia at the rate of about 65 Kms per year. The speed of its movement has increased by a third in the past decade, prompting speculation that the field could be about to ‘flip’, causing compasses to invert and point south rather than north, something what happens between three and seven times every million years.
Already the phenomenon is causing problems in the field of aviation. Tampa International Airport in Florida has just spent a month renaming its three runaways, which in common with those at most US airports are identified using numbers that correspond to the direction in degrees, that they face on a compass. “Everything had to be changed; it was a huge project”. Brenda Geoghagan, a spokesman for the airport, said.
The current rate of magnetic north’s movement away from Canada’s Ellesmere Island is throwing out compasses by one degree every five years, prompting the Federal Aviation Administration to re-evaluate runaway names every five years.
The speed of relocation of the magnetic north pole increased significantly from about 1989, posdsibly because of a ‘pume’ of magnetic deep below the ground. The pole is now believed to be heading towards Siberia at the rate of about 65 Kms per year
Supermoon may cause natural disasters next week
On March 19th 2011, the moon will make its closest approach to
Earth in almost 20 years, possibly The phenomenon, called lunar
perigee or Supermoon, happens when the moon reaches its
absolute closest point to Earth. On March 19, the natural
satellite will be only 221,567 miles away from our planet.
There were Supermoons in 1955, 1974, 1992 and 2005, and these
years had their share of extreme weather conditions, too.
Although there are scientific laws that say the moon affects the
Earth, it's still ambiguous whether the lunar perigee and natural
disasters is coincidence or not.
British freelance weatherman John Kettley was quoted as saying
"A moon can't cause a geological event like an earthquake, but
it will cause a difference to the tide. If that combines
with certain weather conditions, then that could cause a
few problems for coastal areas."
While hoping for a non-disastrous ‘moon giant’, point your
eyes and camera lenses toward the night sky on 19th.
If the sky is clear, you’re gonna get an exceptional celestial treat.
Sent by Subrata Samanta, an office colleague
Earth in almost 20 years, possibly The phenomenon, called lunar
perigee or Supermoon, happens when the moon reaches its
absolute closest point to Earth. On March 19, the natural
satellite will be only 221,567 miles away from our planet.
There were Supermoons in 1955, 1974, 1992 and 2005, and these
years had their share of extreme weather conditions, too.
Although there are scientific laws that say the moon affects the
Earth, it's still ambiguous whether the lunar perigee and natural
disasters is coincidence or not.
British freelance weatherman John Kettley was quoted as saying
"A moon can't cause a geological event like an earthquake, but
it will cause a difference to the tide. If that combines
with certain weather conditions, then that could cause a
few problems for coastal areas."
While hoping for a non-disastrous ‘moon giant’, point your
eyes and camera lenses toward the night sky on 19th.
If the sky is clear, you’re gonna get an exceptional celestial treat.
Sent by Subrata Samanta, an office colleague
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